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A GILDED YOUTH 




OOPY!?»QHT. 1M9 BY WALTER H. BAKSI? A Ca 



/(S as 

tk, W. PINERO'S PLAYS, t 

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'Xy The publication of the plays of this popular author, made feasible by the new ^1* 

yiV Copyright Act, under which his valuable stage rights can be fully protected, iiV 

"^ enables us to offer to amateur actors a series of modern pieces of the highest *f* 

iiV class, all of Avhich have met Avith distinguished success in the leading English ifiW 

'f ^ and American theatres, and most of which are singularly well adapted for ania- f 15 

yiW teur performance. This publication was originally intended for the benefit of iliV 

^15 readers only, but the increasing demand for the plays for actin^f purposes has '•> 

ifiW far outrun their merely literary success. With the "idea of i)lacing this excel- >AV 

'f* lent series Avithin the reach of the largest possible number of amateur clubs, we '.tS 

ifiW have obtained authority to offer them for acting purposes at an author's roy- iii 

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'f * made known on application. r,^y 

(US % 

and an interior, not at all difficult. This admirable farce is too well.kjiown \k'd 

through its recent performance by the I.yceum Theatre Company, New York, to Mr 

need descriittion. It is especially recommended to young ladies' schools and ^k'd 

colleges. (1895.) Mf 

M/ THE CABINET MINISTER. | i,J,?-%,V.VSr„-„ .^=?„ ,„S^ M;» 

\f/ nATVDV DTOC I ^ Farce in Three Acts. By Arthur W. PrxERO. Vf/ 






f 



'T'"LJT7 A"M"A701Vr^ I A Farcical Eomance in Three Acts. ByARTHiTR 
1 rxc XXiyiTLZ^K^l^kD* I ^y pi^ero. Seven male and five female char- 
acters. Costumes, modern; scenery, an exterior 



and nine female characters. 
Costumes, modern society ; scenery, three interiors. A very amusing pioee, in- 
genious in construction, and brilliant in dialogue. (1892.) 



Seven male, four female characters. Costumes, mod- 
ern ; scenery, t\\ o interiors. This very amusing piece 



^i'S "^^^^ another success in the New York and Boston theatres, and has been ex- 
Mr tensively played from manuscript by amateurs, for whom it is in every respect 
^i^ suited. It provides an unusual number of capital character parts, is very funny, ^k'g 
yF and an excellent acting piece. Plays two hours and a half. (1893.) Mf 

k'i'j TTTP T-Tr^RRV T-TOP^T7 I A Comedy in Three Acts. By Arthur 

W A"^ "^^^1 rlUlOrL. I w.pknkko. Ten male, five female char- 
acters. Scenery, two interiors and an ex- 



terior ; costumes, modern. Tliis piece is best known in this country through the 
admirable performance of Mr. John Hare, who produced it in all the principal 
cities. Its story presents a clever satire of false philanthropy, and is full of 
interest and humor. Well adapted for amateurs, by whom it lias been success- 
fully acted. Plays two hours and a half. (1892.) 



5K T ADV POT TTVJTTFT TT I ^ ^^'^y 5" '^^^^ Acts. By Arthur W. W 
W ^-"-^^ i:>V-^UiN lirui^* PixEKo. Eight male and seven female char- 



I 



f 



... acters. Costumes, modern ; scenerv, four 

klJ interiors, not easy. A play of powerful sympathetic interest, a little soiiibre in 
?!\ key. but not unrelieved by humorous touches. (1892.) ,-^. 



A GILDED YOUTH 



A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS 



BY/' 

CHARLES f OWNSEND 

Author of "Rio Grande,^' "Spy of Gettysburg,'' " Fninignii's Fortune,^ 
*' The Vagabonds," " The Mountain Waif'' " The Doctor," Etc. 



AUTHOR'S EDITION 



BOSTON 



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A GILDED YOUTH. 

CHARACTERS. \ *^ ^7 ^^ 
I -^'CiUi' ^'^^ originally produced.) , \ -^ 

Sammy Gilder, not such a fool as he looks Mr. Townsend 

Moses Margin, an antique specimen oj the Society of Dudes, 

Mr. Wyckoff 

Col. Culpepper, a fiery old fury Mr. Brown 

Aunt Sadie, Jiis sister, ^g and hopeful , Miss Carlisle 

Sadie, the ColoncVsivard Miss Owen 

Place.— Long Branch. Time. — Midsummer. 

Time of Playing, two hours and a quarter. 




Copyright, 1896, tjt Charles Townsend. 
Copyright, i8q8, by Walter H. Baker & Co. 



Special Notice. — The author and proprietor of A Gilded Youth 
reserves to himself all stage rights to the said play. Amateur dramatic 
clubs may produce the comedy without paying royalties, but in all 
other cases permission must be had from the author. 



/H'^fS'/d 



A GILDED YOUTH. 



COSTUMES. 

Sam.— Outing suit throughout. Rather eccentric. 

Moses. — Plain bhick. Frock coat. DupHcate torn coat and smashed 
hat for second act. 

CoLOXEL. — Act I. — Dressing-gown. Acts II. and III. — Modern sum- 
mer dress. 

Aunt Sadie. — Act I. — House gown. Act II. — Same. Act III. — 
Street dress, changing to extravagant bridal costume— long veil, mon- 
strous bouquet, fan, etc. • 

Sadie.— Pretty modern dress. 



PROPERTIES. 



Act I.— Book. Cigar. Pitcher. Snuffbox. Letter in envelope. 
Valise containing small hand mirror. Hat box for Aunt Sadie. 

Act. II. — Letter in envelope. Pen, ink, paper and envelopes on 
table. 
Act. III.— Powder box. Bell to strike. Three letters. 



SCENERY. 



Act I. 

Richly furnished sitting-room in 4th grooves. Carpet down, rugs, 
easy chairs, pictures, etc. Make this set as handsome as possible. 
Doors c. in flat and R. i E. 

Act II. 

Plainly furnished room in 3d grooves. Furniture must be plain but 
not shabby. Small table with writing material R. front. Chairs R. 
and L. 

Act III. 

Handsomely furnished rooms in 4th grooves. Table L. c. Chairs 
L. c. and up R. Doors c. in Hat and l. i e. Use light but rich furni- 
ture for this scene, as it is supposed to take place in a summer cottage. 



A GILDED YOUTH. 



SYNOPSIS. 

Act I. — Time a midsummer afternoon. Long Branch. A romantic 
maiden. The Colonel gets news. Sam and Sadie. The pitcher of 
milk and the tale of a cat. Aunt Sadie's " nerves." Moses ! A case of 
mix. Sam gains a promise. Trouble threatened. Trouble comes. A 
grand smash. 

Act II. — Five minutes later. Sam's letter. Law and love. Sadie's 
suggestions. The " Slugger." Sam on his muscle. Moses and the 
Colonel. More mistakes. " Settled out of court." The broken promise. 
Moses a wreck. " I want revenge." A joint-stock love letter. Sam's 
device. Aunt Sadie sees a chance at last. Sam reads the riot act. 
Comical climax. 

Act III. — An hour later. At the Colonel's. Aunt Sadie grows im- 
patient. Moses more mystified. Sam talks politics with the usual re- 
sult. The Colonel on the warpath. Sadie's scheme. " Back me up 
now." The storm approaches. A cyclone — of fun. Sam's triumph. 
" After the storm, a calm." 



REMARKS OH THE PLAY. 

In "A Gilded Youth " Mr Townsend has written an "all star" play, 
for every character in this bright and successful comedy is a star part. 
The author himself has starred both as Sammy Gilder and Moses 
Margin, and, despite the great difference m the two roles, has scored a 
signal success in both. Nor is the part of Col. Culpepper oi less impor- 
tance than the others, for there are few comedy old men's roles on the 
stage that equal it. The ladies have excellent roles. Aunt Sadie stands 
to-day as one of the finest "old maid" characters ever written, — full of 
humor, action, and with an unbroken series of ludicrous situatiojis. 
Sadie is an excellent soubrette role, and the play as a whole is the best 
farcical comedy that Mr. Townsend has yet written. Its success on 
the road has been unbroken, and with its simple scenery, fine parts and 
brisk action it is especially adapted for amateurs' use. 

In producing the play the following suggestions by the author will 
be of the utmost service. 

Sam. — Age twenty-one. Make up pale, smooth shorn, with closely 
brushed hair. Use very few gestures. Vocal inflections must also be 
limited, pitching the voice rather low than high, and speaking quietly 
at all times. Sam is a droll character, and the actor succeeds best in 
this role w^ho carefully avoids exaggerations of any sort. Remember, 
especially, that Sam is not a " dude." He has a hesitating— occasionally 



A GILDED YOUTH. 5 

a drawling — way of speaking, but he has plenty of pluck, and will 
fight " to a finish " if necessary. He is not very quick to comprehend 
a point, and he is apt to think "in a circle." The " Dundreary" busi- 
ness, which opens the second act, was introduced one night as a lark, 
and it went so well that I have retained it with due credit to that 
genial gentleman— the elder Sothern — whose " Sam " letters were the 
delight of his generation. ^ Speak the lines throughout with a slight 
" burr " or lisp, but be cautious about overdoing it ; and never for a 
moment allow your speech to drift into that of the affected stage dude. 

Moses. — Age si-xty-five. This is a most deliciously amusing character 
if an air of unconsious egotism is retained at all times. Moses fondly 
imagines that he is still " young and charming," and that his winning 
ways are simply captivating to women. He is a type of the successful 
business man whose knowledge of woman is nil. Egotism is his most 
striking characteristic, and an air of self-satisfaction should constantly 
be preserved. He is rather affected and pompous in speech and digni- 
fied in movement. Make up with a half-bald wig, line the face, touch 
the lower eyelids with light brown and apply plenty of rouge. 

Col. Culpepper.— Age sixty. A noisy, blustering, tempestuous old fellow 
is this — a role that gives great opportunities for effective work. Always 
ready for a row, quick to pick a quarrel, but generous and good-hearted 
withal. Some very fine actors have appeared in this role, and in good 
hands it never fails to make a hit. Bring his lines out with a jerk. Put 
plenty of vim into his work, pitch the voice high and throw the words 
out like a rifle crack. Make up the face with tan grease paint, line 
rather heavily and powder the hair. 

Atuit Sadie, "forty-nine and hopeful," is a prime favorite with 
actresses capable of playing character parts. Her quick changes from 
raging anger to simpering simplicity, her wide extremes of hope and 
fear, the game of cross purposes in which she is constantly involved, 
give'her unlimited opportunities for effective work. There is little fear 
of overacting this part. Therefore, put all the life and spirit of which 
you are capable into it. Don't be afraid to line the face, and above all 
things don't, don't, and again don't, try to look pretty in this role. The 
face should be made up as homely as possible. Extend the lines of 
the mouth with rouge, shade the sides of the nose and the lower eyelids, 
line the forehead — not too heavi-ly, and apply rouge freely in the wrong 
places — such as low down on the cheeks, across the forehead and on 
the nose. Study the lines well and follow the varying emotions as de- 
picted therein. 

Sadie.— Age eighteen. A type of the hoyden, up to any kind of 
mischief and in for anything '"awful." Sadie is a soubrette role, and 
should be played with unfailing dash and spirits. She is keen, bright, 



A GILDED YOUTH. 

quick-witted, and thinks a great deal faster than Sam can do. Therefore 
in her scenes with him she must be in a hurry as if trying to think for 
both. In doing this carefully avoid assuming a dictatorial manner, as 
that would rob the part of its greatest charm— that of bright, breezy 
girlhood. 

Rehearse. 

A lid rehearse. 

Then '-ehearse some more. 



A GILDED YOUTH 



ACT I. 



Scene. — Sitting-room in foto-th grooves. Doors R. i e., and 
C. D., in fiat. 

Discover Sadie seated on table l. with book. 

Sad. {reads). " And the lovely maiden flung herself into the 
nol)le duke's arms, and said : ' I am thine, I am thine forever ! ' " 
Now isn't that just too perfectly awfully splendid ! \ do so love 
a story that's all full of love and hate and wicked old fathers 
and mothers and villains and things. My ! How I wish some 
villain with great, big black eyes, and a bea — u — tiful mustache 
would come and carry ?ne off! Um-m ! {Reads.) "And 
gnashing his teeth with ivapoitwi rage, the wicked, wicked vil- 
lain seized the beauteous maiden by her flowing hair, and in a 
voice ter-em-bling with emotion, said. {Sees the CoL. who has 



entered, R. i E.) Oh, ginger 



[yuinps dotvn. 



Col. Yes ! Nice stuff to be reading, that is. 

Sad. Y-yes, sir. 

Col. No, it isn't ! It's slush, only fit for idiots to write and 
fools to read. Speaking of fools, has Sam been here to-day ? 

Sad. I don't know any fool named Sam. 

Col. Yes, you do. Sam Gilder's a fool — all wool and a yard 
wide. He's been hanging around you long enough. If he 
comes, tell him I want to see him. Understand t See ? 

[Exit;,;J^. I E. 

Sad. Yes, I see. You mean old thing. If he wasn't my 
guardian, I'd tell him what I think of him. To call my Sammy 
a fool ! 

Sam. (^C.). Yas, all right. I'll come right down. 

Sad. (joyjiilly). Oh ! There's Sammy now. 

[Music. Sam appears at c, smoking cigar, 

Sam. Say, Sadie 

Sad. Oh, Sammy, is that you ? 

Sam. Yas. Is old Beelzebub around ? 

7 



5 A GILDED YOUTH. 

Sad. No. Come in. [Down, R. 

Sam. All right. [Looks about. 

Sad. What are you looking for ? 

Sam. I want to get rid ot this cigar. I won it on a bet, and 
it isn't very good. [Throws it into pitcher. 

Sad. Oh, Sammy Gilder ! You've thrown it into the Colonel's 
pitcher of milk. 

Sail. All right. Don't tell the cow. 

Sad. But he'll find it out. 

Sam. That's what the cat did. 

Sid. What cat ? 

Sam. Why, when I was a boy — you — you know \was a boy 
once — our cat got his head into a pitcher of cream and couldn't 
get it out. So, my brother cut off his head — the — the cat's 
head — to save the pitcher. Then he had to smash the pitcher 
to get the head out. 

Sad. Oh ! 

Sam. Yas. Say, I'm not going to stand any more abuse 
from his royal jags. 

Sad. J'lgs ! What do you mean ? 

Sam. 1 mean your beast of a guardian. He had the c-cussed 
impudence to call me a dude last week, and threatened to kick 
me. So, I've sent lor a professional prize-tighter to give me 
some lessons in the manly art, and if that wretch tries to bull- 
doze me again, I'll knock his d — d — damn head off. 

Col. {pffYi. I E.). Get out, confound you ! 

Sad. There — he's having a row with somebody. 

Sam. Is — is he comino^ here ? 

Sad. I guess so. Stand your ground. 

Sam. AH right. 

Col. {outside). Shut up, blast you ! 

Sam. Sadie — ^I — I'm going to give you an imitation. 

Sad. Of what? 
■ Sam. An imitation of a gentleman walking out of a room. 

[Exit, c. 

Sad. Come back here, Sam. 

' . [Follows him off. They re-enter ci moment later, 
keeping up byplay. 

Eater Col., r. i e., as Sadie exit. 

Col. {to C, front. SJiakesfist, R.). Can't find it, eh ? can't 
find it! Stupid, foolish iools ! I'd like to wring your necks ! 

[Goes L. 

Sad. {down R.). Ha ! ha ! ha ! 

Col. What are you laughing at, you young barbarian — hey ? 
See anything funny about me — hey ? Where's my hat-box — 
where' s my hat-box ? 



A GILDED YOUTH. 9 

Sad. What do you want of it ? ... 

Col Want of it ? I want to rig it up as a tamily mansion— 
that's* what. {S\rs Sam.) Well— what are you doing here ? 
Sam. Me ? I'm just taking in the bear dance. 
Col.' Bear! W'ho's a bear ? 
Sam. If you look in the mirror, you'll see him. 
Col. What do you mean, eh ? 
Sad. Be careful, Sam. 

Col. Young man, see here. I've had my eye on you for a 
long time, sir — a long time. 

Sam. Is that so— which one ? 

Col No impertinence, sir. I know your little game, but it 
won't' work. sir. for I'm up to snuff. {7al^es smtff.) And I— 
achoo!-\ tell ^o^^-achee ! Who the devil's been putt.ng- 
^^/,^.^ /__putting cayenne pepper in my snuff? /^Z'^'^' • ^/>" 
villain ' Get out ! Achoo, acJioo ! (Sam has been pushed to 
c D h Sadie ; he hisses her and exit.) Get out or I 1 break 
e;-ery bone in your body. VTurns and rushes up. 

Sad. {^turns). Eh ? 
Col. This is some of your doings. 

Sad. Mine ? , .. ,. 

Col Yes. yours. You're always up to some deviltry If 

theres a bigger fool on earth than myself. I'd like to buy him. 

Comes dowl, L.. takes pitcher.) The idea of taking the guard- 

ianshipofa tomboy like you, and-(Z..^^ m pitcher) whats 

this ! A cigar in my milk ? 

Sad. Did you expect a whole box ? 

Col. Shut up! (Takes letter from table.) W^ell. well ! 
Sad Is he quite well ? ,-./:> 

Col. Humph ! ( Glances at her.) Know who it s from ? 
Sad. Of course not. ^r , u , ,. t 

Col Weil, it's from Moses Margin, a New York banker. 1 
shall get you otf my hands at last. Now listen, my dear. {Reads.) 
'sir: Aaingon'the hint dropped in a recent letter. I have 
the honor of Lking for the hand of your ward As you and I 
have never met, I will call on you to-morrow at two RM. shaip 
o arrange details. Yours truly, Moses Margin There you 
are. There's the man for you.' Sad.e. Not a gilded YO" ^ ^ ^^ 
your Sammy, but a sober business man. A bankei. Just think 

of it ! , . , r • 

«lafl (erosses\. I w^'//'/ think ot it. 

Col Oh yes you will. He's worth a dozen Gilders. [Looks 
at watch.) ' Bless me. he'll soon be here. Vou v^ a lucky girl, 
Sadie. At two o'clock sharp, remember. ^^^^ ' j,^.^^ j, i E. 

Sad What shall I do ? Marry a man I never saw. and 
never want to see ? Never ! I'll die hrst. 



10 A GILDED YOUTH. 

Enter Sam, c. 

Sam. Dye what ? 

Sad. Die ? Die dead. 

Sam. That's just like a woman — always wanting to do 
something. 

Sad. Say, Sam, the Colonel says I can never, never, never 
marry you, and that I must marry a horrible old banker who is 
coming here at tv/o. 

Sam. That's too bad. Who is he ? 

Sad. {cries). Mum — Mum — Moses Margin. 

Sam. Don't cry, my dear, Moses was a prophet, but there 
will be no margin of protit for old Margin if we get our wits to 
work. 

Sad. Drop your horrid puns then, for he will soon be here. 
Besides, I expect the actor who is to coach our dramatic club 
to arrive at any moment. The Colonel will have a fit if he sees 
him — and oh dear — did anybody ever have so much trouble ? 

Sam. 'Sh ! Here comes old Pepperbox. 

Enter Colonel, 'r. i e. 

Col. {aside). Here's that cheeky young rascal again. {Aloud.^ 
Young man, I don't want to hurt your feeHngs, but you must 
keep away from my ward. I object, she imist object, and her 
future husband will object to your being here. 

Sam. Her future husband ? 

Col. Exactly. She will soon become the bride of a man of 
wealth, steady habits, excellent morals 

Sam. Don't, sir — please, don't. You make me blush. 

Col. The devil I do ! Do you suppose I mean you, sir ? 
No, sir. I refer to Moses Margin, the New York banker, who 
will be here at two. 

Sam. He may get left. 

Col. No, sir. Such men never get left. 

Sad. He might miss the train. 

Col. Then he'd come by telegraph ! 

Sam. But supposing he should fail ? 

Col. No danger of that. He's worth a round million. 

Sam. A round million. Then I'll bet he isn't square. 

Sad. Sam means if he fails to keep his appointment. 

Col. Nonsense ! When Moses Margin says he will be here 
at two he means two. I am so sure of it that if he is even ten 
minutes late I give you, permission — — 

Sad. {eagerly). To marry Sam ? 

Col. Yes, Sam, or Beelzebub. {^Starts, R„ 

Sam. (/^ Sadie). Beelzebub who ? 

Sad. Hush ! 



A GILDED YOUTH. II 

Col. But don't build any lalse hopes on that promise, for 
Moses Margin will be here at two o'clock sharp, and don't you 
toroct it. LExit R. I E, 

Sam. iK'oes up C). So far so good. Good-bye. 

Sad. Where are you going ? 

Sam. I'm going— to prevent old Margin from coming. 

Sad. Do nothing desperate, Sam. 

Sam Of course not. I'll just quietly dump him off the dock. 

[Exit, c. 

Sad. {Up C). Isn't he splendid ! . Now I must prepare for 
the actor who is to coach our dramatic club. {Runs and looks 
off R. I E.) The Colonel isn't there— I believe I'll just run over 
that sono-. \Specialties «;z<r/ exit, L. i. E. 

Enter Colonel r. i e., looking at watch. 

Col. Half-past one. Hum. The banker will soon be here, 
and then the trouble will begin. Young Gilder isn't half the 
fool that he pretends to be, and if he had any money 1 wouldn't 
object to him. Now, there's my sister— if I could marry her off 
to some unfortunate devil, my trouble would be over. 

Aunt S. {offii. C). Colonel, Colonel, where are you ? 

Col. There she is. Speak of an angel . 

Enter Aunt Sadie, c. 

Aunt S. Colonel— Colonel, where is my maid ! I want to 
go out for an airing. You know I am so fragile and so very, very 
weak, and lam so easily excited, for my nerves are all shattered, 
and the close air of this hotel is so 

Col. Good heavens ! Let up ! let up, and I'll buy you a 
gallon of the freshest air in Long Branch ! 

Aunt S. Brother ! 

CoL Sister ! • 

Aunt S. You are trying to pick another quarrel with me— 
to make me lose my temper. 

CoL Lose it — lose it ? What a pity you couldn't, and never 
find it again. 

Aunt S. Now you are flying at me like a savage, and you 11 
drive me into a fit of hys— hysterics. 

CoL Hys— hys grandmother ! What a fool an old fool is, 
especially when she's a she. 

Aunt S. I'm sure Vm going to faint— ah— ah— ah 

CoL Ah, ah. ah ! Then faint. {Goes R.) Faint if you want 
to and I'll soak your head in a pint of water. Bah ! 

[Exit, R. I E. 

Aunt S. Oh the w-w-wretch ! I know what I'll do. I'll go 
rip-ht un to mv room, and go to bed and have a fit, so there 
now ! [Exit, R. I E. 



12 A GILDED YOUTH. 

Enter Moses, c. d. 

Moses. Well, well, well. So here I am at last, on matri- 
monial thoughts intent. I flatter myself that I shall make a 
very impressive impression, and without doubt the charming 
Sadie will fly to my waiting arms, like the little bird to its 
downy nest. A beautilul thought — beautiful. I must retain 
that for future use. Wonder how 1 look ? Yes, yes ; all right, 
all right. (Sils.) And now to calm my mind and recall the 
little poem with which I shall greet her. 

Oh, fairest of the rural maids, 
T/tj/ home is in the forest glades ; 
The wild wind wliispers ai tliy side. 
Oh, snj, wilt thou become me bride. 

If //la^ doesn't touch her lieart it must be made of stone. 
Enter Sadie, c. 

Sad. Oh, dear, I knew it would be just so. Aunt Sadie's row 
with the Colonel has brought on a fit of hysterics, and they've 
sent for the doctor, {Sees MosES.) Ah, he's got here already. 
Ahem ! 

Moses. 'Tis she ! (Ixises.) "Oh, fairest of the rural maids, 
T/i_y home is in the forest glades. The wild wind whispers at 
thy side, oh, say 

Sad. Yes, sir. I suppose you have received a message 
about a lady ? 

Moses. Hum ! This isn't Sadie after all. Certainly, young 
lady, certainly. 

Sad. Well, I'm glad you've come, for the poor thing has 
been suffering ter-re-mendously. 

Moses. Indeed ? (Aside.) She must be in love with me 
already. 

Sad. She's been suffering awfully awful, and calling for you 
eyery blessed minute, 

Moses. Well, well ! {Aside.) What an easy conquest. 

Sad. She thinks her heart is affected. But between you and 
me, when she gets her dander up, she's a regular holy terror, 

Moses (aside). The deuce she is ! 

Sad. I suppose you'd like to see her. 

Moses. Certainly, certainly, for I should like to begin opera- 
tions at once. 

Sad. Operations ? My goodness ! You don't mean to cut 
her up ? 

Moses {puzzled). Cut her up ? Oh, I see — a mere figure of 
speech. {Aloud.) Why, certainly not, you don't suppose I 
would go that far ? 

Sad. Well, I don't know. You look capable of anything, sir. 



A GILDED YOUTH. 



13 



Moses. Thank you. Where shall I ti.ncl her ? 

Sad. Right upstairs in bed. 

Moses. What ! 

Sad. Why, where did you expect to find poor Aunt Sadie 
with the hypos ? 

Moses. Confound her hypos ! I know nothing about her. 

Sad. You don't ! Aren't you the doctor ? 

Moses. No, I'm not ! The idea ! [Crosses. 

Sad. {aside). Oh, I see — it's the actor! He looks just like 
a great tragedian. Then, sir, I suppose you must be the pro- 
fessor. 

Moses. The professor ? Um — yes, I have been called that. 

Sad. I knew it. And now are you ready to begin ? 

Moses. Begin .? 

Sad. To coach her^for her part in the Honeymoon. 

Moses. I see. Certainly — I am ready to begin at any 
moment. 

Sad. Very well. Now, what role will you take ? 

Moses. Role, role ? Yes, yes — I see — why, the husband — 
the lover, you know. 

Sad. Yes — but — ha ! ha ! ha ! Excuse my laughing, but 
really you would look ridiculous in such a part. 

Moses. Ridiculous ? 

Sad. Aren't you a little too old for it ? 

Moses. Old ? Excuse me, but I'm right in my prime. 
{Dances.) I can act the lover to perfection. 

Sad. I suppose you can fix up for it. No doubt you have 
acted similar roles thousands of times ? 

Moses. Eh ? 

Sad. And played the lover to thousands of blushing 
beauties, 

Moses. Excuse me — I'm no lady-killer, if you please. 

Sad. I meant on the stage of couJ'se. 

Moses. The stage ? I never was on the stage. 

Sad. I'm sure Colonel Culpepper said you were a great 
actor. 

Moses. Then he's a blundering fool. /Moses Margin an 
actor ! 

Sad. (aside). Moses Margin ! Good gracious ! 

Moses. An actor ! An actor ! That's an insult ! I'll not 
endure it. [Crosses. 

Sad. But, my dear sir 

Moses. An actor ! The stupid old fool ! 

Sad. What'll I do } I'll send him up to Sam — he'll get rid 
of him. 

Moses. To call me an actor ! 

Sad, I'll tell you what. Go to private parlor, two hundred 



14 A GILDED YOUTH. 

and one, fourth floor, where you will meet a young gentleman 
named Gilder, who will confer with you, 

Moses. An excellent idea. I'll go at once. {Up,C.) Private 
parlor, two hundred and one. 

Sad. Two hundred and one. 

Moses. Fourth floor ? 

Sad Fourth floor. Now hurry. 

Moses. Fll fly. Private parlor, two hundred and one. 

[Exit, c. 

Sad. Well, if he calls that flying ! 

Enter Col., r, i e. 

Col. It's almost two o'clock. The banker will soon be here, 
and the delightful preliminaries will all be settled. {Sees 
Sadie.) So you, too, are anxiously awaiting the arrival of the 
happy man. That's right — that's right. You sly little puss. 

Sad. {aside.) What if he returns ? Oh, I'm on nettles ! 

Col. Curb your impatience, my dear. Ah, I hear footsteps. 
Moses Margin for a million. 

Enter Sam, c. 

Sam. A million ! I'll take her for half. 

Col. Oh, the impudence of that rascal ! 

Sad. Uid you see him ? 

Sam. Who ? 

Sad. 'Sh ! [Points at Colonel ; looks at Sam, 

Sam. 'Sh ? \Poi7its «/ Colonel ; looks «/ Sadie. 

Col. 'Sh ! What do you mean by 'sh ? 

Sam {to Sadie). What do you mean by 'sh ? 

Col. Young man I — I — I — get out I 

Sad. Go to your room quick. 

Sam. But I don't t-tumble. 

Col. Well, you will tumble, for by jingo, sir, I — I — I 

[ Throwing off coat. 

"Sam. You — you — you 

Col. Now you'll tumble ! 

[Enter Aunt Sadie, c. She has hat box which Colonel 
kicks out of her hands. 

QUICK CURTAIN. 
{For secojid curtain Sam supports Aunt at c., offers pitcher.) 



A GILDED YOUTH. 1 5 



ACT II. 



Scene. — Plainly furnished room in third grooves. Door c, r. 
U. E. and R. I E. Table and wrilijtg material ^. front. 

Enter Sam, c. d. at rise. 

Sam. Now I wonder why Sadie wanted me to come to my 
room. There's some deviltry afoot, but what it is I can't 
imagine. One thing is sure. Old Moses hasn't arrived yet, 
so I w-won't have to dump him off the dock. {Sees letter.) 
Hello ! I wonder who wrote me this letter. I suppose the 
best way to hnd out will be to open it and see. I can't make 
anything of this. It's written upside down. AA'onder if he 
thinks I'm going to stand on my head to read it ! Oh, I see — 
I was holding it upside down. That reminds me of a proverb 
I heard yesterday, if I haven't forgotten it. It's a funny thing 
about me, but anything that I forget, I never can remember. 
What was it now ? Oh, yes — the early bird knows its own 
father. That isn't it. A rolling stone catches the worm. No. 
It's a rhyme. Fish of a feather — no tish don't have feathers. 
Birds of a feather — that's it — birds of a feather flock together. 
Whoever saw a lot of birds with only one feather ? They'd 
catch cold unless they wore overcoats. Of course, they'd flock 
together. No bird would be fool enough to go into a corner 
and flock all alone by itself. {Reads.) "Sir ! Your laundry 
bill must be paid. It now amounts to $11, even." That's odd. 
I didn't suppose that that shirt of mine had been washed so 
often. " And as you don't seem inclined to settle, I have placed 
the account in the hands of the law." Here is a case. What 
the deuce am I to do now ? I have it. I'll consult a lawyer 
and get the suit postponed. 

Enter Moses, c. 

Moses. Good-afternoon, sir. Is this Mr. Gilder.'* 

Sam. Yes. What can I do for you ? 

Moses. Well, I called to see you regarding this suit. 

Sam. Take a seat. I'm in luck. Caught a lawyer the first 
crack. 

Moses. You must excuse my calling so abruptly, Mr. Gilder, 
but this suit, you know, requires immediate attention. 

Sam. Oh, I dare say. 

Moses. Well, then, what suggestions have you to offer ? 

Sam. I suppose she means business, so we must be very 
fly, or she'll come down on us like a thousand of brick. (MoSES 



l6 A GILDED YOUTH. 

straightens up, surprised.) I suppose your first move will 
be to enter an appearance and then plead your case. 

Moses. Yes, I suppose so. 

Sam. And if an exception is taken, you will appeal. 

Moses [puzzled). Appeal ? 

Sam. But if there is no exception, you will proceed to join. 

Moses {aside). To join ? Oh he means the marriage 
ceremony. Certainly, my dear sir. 

Sam. Having joined, the issue will follow as a matter of 
course. 

Moses, {aside). The issue ? A-h-hem ! Yes, I expect so. 

Sam. But perhaps the best plan would be to stave her off. 

MOSSS. Stave her off ? 

Sam. Yes. Tell her it's no go — that we won't have it. 

Moses. Won't have what, sir ? 

Sam. Why, the suit of course. 

Moses. But confound it, we will have it. That's what I'm 
here for. 

Sam. AH right, but I give her fair warning that she can't 
pull my leg just now. . 

Moses. Pull your leg, sir ? 

Sam. Yes, sir, pull my leg, sir. 

Moses. What are you talking about ? 

Sam. What am I talking about ! About my laundry bill. 

Moses. And who the deuce do you take me for, sir ? 

Sam. I took you for a lawyer ot course. 

Moses. Took me for a lawyer ! {Up, c.) Took me for the 
devil. [Exit, c 

Sam {up). Oh, no — only for one of the family. I wonder who 
that fellow is ? He isn't the fellow I thought he was, because 
he's some other fellow. (Enter Sadie, l. i e.) Hello, Sadie. 

Sad. Hello yourself. 

Sam. Have you seen him ? 
. Sai. What him ? 

Sam. The slugger. 

Sad. What's a slugger ? 

Sam. Sit down and I'll tell you all about it. {They sit.) 
Now you know, of course, that you want to marry me 

Sad. Eh ? 

Sam. I mean that I'm dying to marry you. 

Sad. Oh, Sammy ! 

Sam. Yes— for I think a great deal more of you than I do of 
any other fellow. 

Sad. Samuel Gilder ! I'm no fellow ! {Crosses. 

Sam. Eh ? Oh, of course not. 1 mean ifyouwt'rf a fellov/. 
I would think more of you than I would of any other fellow, who 
was a fellow. But of course as you are not a fellow I couldnt 



A GILDED YOUTH. I J 

think more of you than I would of some fellow who was a 
fellow. See ? 

Sad. Have you any idea what you're talking about ? 

Sam. I don't know — oh, yes, I do too. That reminds me. 
Does your brother like pie ? 

Sad. Vou know I haven't any brother. 

Sam. Yes, But — supposing you had a brother would he 
like pie ? 

Sad. What nonsense ! You talk like a school-boy. 

Sam. Oh, no, I don't. Say, I went to a school the other 
day. 

Sad. Learn anything ? 

Sam. No — I never learned anything when I went to school. 
But I saw something. 

Sad. What was it ? 

Sam A great big boy speak a little piece ? 

Sad. What piece ? 

Sam. " Mary had a little lamb." 

Sad. Oh, Sam, speak it for me. 

Sam. Nonsense. You'd laugh at me. 

Sad. Honest, I won't. 

Sam. And you won't tell anybody ? 

Sad. Honest and true — cross my heart and hope to die three 
times. 

Sam. But that boy wore a pinafore. 

Sad. Take this. {Puts apron on Sam.) 

Sam. Now^ don't look at me. 

Sad. AH right. (Sam recites; specialty.) Oh, some one is 
coming ! [Runs off, C. 

Sam. Hold on ! Come back here ?nd undress me ! 

Enter Moses, c. Sam goes, r. 

Moses. Whew ! That young woman must be practising for 
a football match. Wonder how I look ? {Looks in hand- 
mirror.) 

Sam. How the devil does this thing come off? 

M:ses. I declare I look quite heated. It's lively work 
luinling up Colonel Culpepper. 

Sam. NowM know who that fellow is. It's the prize-fighter. 
1 wrote him to come dressed quietly in black. 

Moses. There's the young man who mistook me for a 
lawyer. 

Sam. You'll excuse the blunder I made, my good man. I 
suppose you got the letter all right. 

Moses. Yes, sir, I got the letter. {Aside.) What does he 
know about it ? 
2 



1 5 A GILDED YOUTH. 

Sam. {aside). He looks like a tough nut. {Aloud.) Well, 
I'm glad to see you. 

Moses. Are you ! Well, you've seen me — haven't you 1 

Sam. {looks). Oh yes. 

Moses. Are you satisfied with my appearance ? 

Sam. Oh, I suppose so. He seems rather sassy. 

Moses. Then get out. 

Sam. What's that ? 

Moses. Get out ! 

Sam. He's got nerve ! Ordering me out of my own room ! 

Moses. Have you seen anything of the Colonel ? 

Sam. The Colonel ? Are you going to have a racket with 
him ? 

Moses. A racket ? Oh, he means the marriage settlement. 

Sam. I suppose you get in some pretty good licks now and 
then. 



Oh, yes, indeed. 

Sam. May I ask what is your favorite style ? 

Moses. Style ? 

Sam. Yes — do you prefer reaching for the mug or the bread 
basket ? 

Moses {aside). Mug ? Bread-basket ? 

Sam. You have been in the ring many times no doubt ? 

Moses, {aside). Ring? A financial term. Oh, yes, and for 
big money too. 

Sam. And some of your battles have been very hot ? 

Moses. Hot ? Yes, indeed. My Wabash fight with Gould 
was a corker, 

Sam. A fight with Gould at Wabash ! I don't remember 
reading anything about that. 

Moses. And my Lake Shore fight was another warm one. 

Sam. A fight on the shore of a lake ! {Pause.) Say — 
where did you say that fight took place ? 

Moses. In New York City, of course. 

Sam. But there isn't any lake in New York. 

Moses. Who said anything about a lake ? 

Sam. I'm sure you said you fougfit on the shore of a lake. 
However, we may as well get down to business. Have you 
brought the mittens ? 

Moses. Mittens ? 

Sam. Of course. 

Moses. What do I want of mittens in mid-summer ? 

Sam. Yes — I should have said gloves. 

Moses. I brought gloves. {Shows thevi.) Don't you see 
them ? 

Sam. Yes — but those are not exactly boxing gloves ? 

Moses. Boxing gloves ? What do I want oi boxing gloves ? 



A GILDKI) YOUTH. 1 9 

Sam. Say — aren't you Prof. Muggins, the ex-champion 
prize- tighter ? 

Moses. I'rize-fighter ! (Kiscs.) You addle-pated dude ! 

Sam. Now I'm beginning to get mad. I can always tell 
when 1 am getting mad, by the way I feel. 

Moses. Prize-fighter, eh ? Well, PU give you a lesson in 
prize-lighting you won't forget in a hurry. 

Sam. Don't get excited. You may have a fit. 

Moses. I'll// you ! 

[^/rz/^vj, whirls around, is caught by Sam. 

Sam. That was a mis-fit. [Rujis him out, c. 

Enter Colonel, r. i e. 

Col. Hello ! {Looks off, c.) What's all that row about ! 
It's downright disgraceful. I never lose my temper — never 
indeed — though the non-arriva! of Moses Margin has ruffled it. 
{Down, R.) What could have detained him ? 

Enter Sam, c. 

Sam. I've put that fellow outside to cool off. Come in, 
Sadie. 

Enter Sadie, c. 

Sad. Here he is now. 

Sam. Good afternoon, sir. 

Col. Here's that confounded bundle of cheek again. Young 
man — I — I 

Sam. Don't apologize, my dear sir — please don't. You're 
perfectly welcome. Glad you called on me, you know. Saved 
me the trouble. Want to settle up ? 

Col. Settle up ? 

Sam. Yes, settle up. For Sadie and I want to settle down. 

Col. Oh, you do ! 

Sam. You know you said that if Moses Margin was even 
ten minutes late, Sadie could marry me. 

Sad. You must keep your word, you know. 

Sam. Certainly he must keep his word if ever he expects 
to give it to anybody else. 

Col. And supposing I refuse ? 

Sam. Then I'll s-sue for damages. 

Sad. Ha, ha, ha ! How do you like it t 

Col. Great Sco'tt! I'm fairly caught ! All right. You seem 
to be a rather smart fellow. 

Sam. Oh, yes — I'm full of ginger. 

Col. And you certainly have a long head. 

Sam. Thank you. I'm ahead of my rival anyhow. He may 
be the coming suitor — but I am going — to suit her better. 



20 A gildp:d youth. 

Col. Um ! I'm told there's a clergyman staying here, so 
send him up to me and I'll complete arrangements. 

Sad. We'll not waste a moment. 

Sam. Not until the knot is tied, you bet. 

[Exit with Sadie, c. 

Col. There's one trouble off" my hands. I certainly would 
have preferred a sober business man like Moses Margin as a 
husband for my ward. But as he has failed to keep his appoint- 
ment he has only himself to blame. I^Song introduced^ if 
desired). Bless me, though, I can't imagine what detained him. 
I'll take a turn and think it over. [Exit, R. i E. 

Enter Moses, c. 

Moses. Wonder if that young thrashing machine has gone ? 
He pitched me out like a confounded bundle of hay. Wonder 
how I look ? {Bus. with mirror.) Dear me, I'm all dis- 
arranged. 

Enter Col., r. i e. 

Col. A man in black. Um — they've lost no time in getting 
the clergyman. Good afternoon, sir. 

Moses. Ah, good afternoon. Whom have I the pleasure of 
addressing ? 

Col. My name is Culpepper, sir, Culpepper. 

Moses. Indeed ? I'm glad to meet you. 

Col. Thank you. Please be seated. {Both sit.) Your 
mission is one in which I am not very well posted, but of course 
you understand it fully. 

Moses. I certainly have an idea regarding it. 

Col. Then you approve of this sudden marriage ? 

Moses. Certainly, my dear sir — with all my heart. 

Col. I'm glad of that. Between ourselves I really think her 
choice a good one, so I gave my consent. Think I did right .-* 

Moses. Perfectly right, my dear sir — perfectly right. 

Col. It is true there was another suitor. 

Moses. Indeed ? 

Col. Yes. But as he was old enough to be her father, she 
vowed she'd never marry him. 

Moses (aside). The dear little angel ! 

Col. Therefore I decided to give the old boy the sack. 

Moses. You acted nobly sir, nobly. What a nerve the old 
idiot must have to think of marrying a young girl. 

Col. Well, now, I rely on your experience, sir, for no doubt 
it is many years since you entered your profession. 

Moses. You're right, sir. I've been hustling for many a year. 

Col. Eh ? Hustling ? Isn't that an odd expression } 



A GILDED YOUTH. 21 

Moses. Possibly ; but when a man is caught in a slump, 
with a tumbling- market, he has to hustle. 

Col. {aside'). Slump ? Tumbling market ? 

Moses. You know we have to take things as we find them. 

Col. Yes, and I suppose you have had a varied experience 
with love-affairs. Very likely you've married hundreds of 
women. 

Moses. Married hundreds ? 

Col. And buried scores of people, I dare say. 

Moses {aside'). What does the old fool mean ? 

Col. And had dozens of children to bap 

Moses {quickly). Look here, sir ! I never married anybody ! 

Col. No ? 

Moses. No ! Nor ever buried anybody, and hang it, I never 
had a child, sir. 

Col. {rises). I didn't say you had, sir, 

Moses. Yes, you did, sir ! 

Col. -You're a liar ! I said to baptize. 

Moses. You don't know what you did say. 

Col. Don't 1, though ! 

Moses. No, you don't — you chuckle-headed old fool ! 

Col I'd rather be a chuckle-headed fool than a sanctimonious 
hyi)ocrite. 

Moses. Hypocrite ? What in tophet do you mean, sir ? 

Col. You disgrace your calling. Nice language that, for a 
preacher ! 

Moses. A preacher ! My, what next ! 

Col. But I'll not endure it. I'll publish you in your true 
character, sir. 

Moses. Publish me, sir ! 

Col. That I will. Get out now — get out, or I'll kick you 
downstairs ! 

Moses. Kick me downstairs ? Not until I have punched 
your rascally old head ! 

Col. Punch my head, eh ? {Burlesque fight. The CoL. 
runs Moses out, c. d.) There ! I've made an example of 
him. The clergyman's valise ! {Flings it out:) The wretched 
old — the clergyman's hat! {Throws it out.) The smooth-, 
tongued old scoundrel ! I — I — I know v/hat I'll do ! I'll kick 
him again ! {Rushes up.) Come back here, you villain ! 

Enter Sadie, c. 

Col. Oh, it's you, eh ? 

Sad. Why, what's the matter with you ? 

Col. With me ! Oh, nothing's the matter with me. 

Sad. Did you see the clergyman t 



22 A GILDED YOUTH. 

Col. Did I ? Well, I am under the impression that I did ! 

Sad. And did you settle 

Col. Settle ? Oh yes ! 

Sad. Surely you had no trouble ? 

Col. Oh no. It was just as easy ! 

Sad, Then you made arrangements ? 

Col. No ! Ain't going to. I've changed my mind. You 
sha'n't marry young Gilder. I'll wait for Moses Margin if I 
wait till doomsday ! 

Sad. Oh, Colonel ! 

Col. Yes, sir. I'll send young Gilder a note putting an end 
to this. And you, young woman, shall marry Moses Margin, 
unless he writes that he won't have you. 

Sad. You cannot be so cruel. 

Col. {writing). Can't I, though ! 

Sad. You'll b-b-break my heart. 

Col. Let 'er break. 

Sad. I'll have hysterics ! 

Col. I don't care. 

Sad. I'll commit su-su-suicide. 

Col. Then commit su-su-suicide ! But before you do it, 
just deliver this note. 

Sad. I won't. 

Col. You won't ? All right. {Goes up.) All right. Then 
I'll take it myself. " |Exit, C 

Sad. {straightens up. Looks around). If he'll only fall 
downstairs and break his neck or something ! There ought to 
be a law against guardians, especially for girls. 

Enter Sam, c, reading note. 

Sad. Oh, Sam — did you see the Colonel ? 

Sam. I did. I was just going down to order a lot of fur- 
niture — baby carriage and things — when I met the jolly old 
duffer in the hall. He jammed this note in my hand and rushed 
downstairs four at a jump. 

Sad. What does he say ? 

Sam. Listen, " Sir : This is to notify you that my Vv'ard 
shall never marry a tortune-hunter like you." The idea of 
calling me a fortune-hunter with all the money I've got — to get. 

Sad. Go on. 

Sam. " Fortune-hunter like you. Therefore keep out of 
my sight or I shall take the law into my own hands and punch 
your rascally head." What do you think of it '^. 

Sad. It's dreadful. And he says I must marry that horrid 
old banker unless he writes that he won't have me. 

Sam. Unless old Margin writes he won't have you .^ 

Sad. Ah, ha ! 



A GILDED YOUTH. 23 

Sam. By Jove, I have it ! I — I'll make him do it. 

Sad. Can you, really ? 

Sam. Can I ? Well, I should say so, {Up C.) Here he 
comes now. Take a sneak. Clear out. 

Sad. All right. [Exit, l. i e. 

Sam. I wonder what's the matter with him ? He looks 
bad. Jerusalem, what a mug ! {^Goes, R. 

Enter Moses, c. 

Moses. I wonder how I look ? [Looks at mirror. 

Sam. I'll bet he's been giving somebody a lesson in boxing. 

Moses. Look here, sir, I've been punched, banged, thumped 
and rolled downstairs. But I won't endure it, sir. I won't 
endure it. 

Sam. Calm yourself, my dear sir — calm yourself. What 
caused the row ? 

Moses. My name is Moses Margin. 

Sam. The deuce it is ! 

Moses. I came here to marry old Culpepper's ward, and 
while we were talking about it the old fool jumped up and 
accused me of preaching. 

Sam, That was awful ! 

Moses. Not only that, but he accused me of having hundreds 
of wives and dozens of children. 

Sam. And then what ? 

Moses. And then he kicked me downstairs ! 

Sam. That was very wrong. But here's a note from him. 
That may explain it. 

Moses. Thanks. An apology, no doubt. {Business.) What's 
this ? Fortune-hunter ? And punch my head ? Oh, this is 
too much ! Let me get at him. 

Sam. That's all right. But if you'll wait a minute, I'll tell 
you a better plan for revenge. 

Moses. You will ? 

Sam. Fact. Now you know, the girl is determined to marry 
you. How could she gaze on your classic features and do 
otherwise ? 

Moses {pleased). Yes ? 

gam. Fact. Then, why not drop her a line arranging a 
time and place for the wedding, and marry her before old Cul- 
pepper finds it out ? Then see what a glorious revenge you'd 
have on the old noodle. 

Moses. An excellent idea. Fll write her at once. 

Sam. At the same time you better send old Culpepper a 
note telling him to go to thunder — that you never intended to 
marry the girl. 

Moses. But I do intend to marry her. 



24 A GILDED YOUTH. 

Sam. Exactly— but that will be a blind to cover your real 
intention — don't you see ? 

Moses. Capital, capital ! You've a wise head on your 
young shoulders. I'll write him at once. [Sits. 

Sam. Make it strong— stronger than Limburger cheese. 

Moses. Oh, won't I ! [IVriU's. 

Sam. {aside). How easily he bites. 

Moses. He won't forget this day. {Writes.) There! How's 
this } {Reads.) "Sir : This is to inform you that you are a 
thundering fool and a stupid old jackass. You can go to 
blazes, for I'll never marry your ward. Moses Margin." 

Sam. That's fine. Now give it to me and I'll see that he 
gets it. 

Moses. Thank you. But now, about the other. I never 
wrote a love letter in all my life. Would you mind helping me 
out? 

Sam. Certainly not. Go ahead — I'll feed it to you. 

Moses. All ready. 

Sam. "Sweetest, lovey dovey Sadie." How's that for a 
header ? 

Moses. That's excellent. 

Sam. " The bounding billows of my enraptured heart all 
flow to thee. My love for thee is like a blazing, blazing vol- 
cano. If you will quench the raging fire and become my popsy 
wopsy wufe, meet me 

Moses. Whereabouts ? 

Sam. At Culpepper's cottage 

Moses. Oh, no. [Throws down pen. 

Sam. Oh, yes. He'll be at the hotel. 

Moses. All right, then. {Writes.) "At Culpepper's tot- 
tage." 

Sam. At six o'clock — where you will find a gushing heart 
ready to gush — no, I don't mean that — ready to marry you. Now 
sign your name. 

Moses. " Moses Margin." 

Sam. Shall I deliver that also ? 

Moses. If you please. 

Sam. AH right. Now before you go hadn't you better get a 
room and freshen up a bit ! You'll excuse me for saying it, but 
you do look tough. 

Moses. Nodoubtofit; oh, that old villain ! {Up c.) Young 
man, I am ever and ever so much obliged to you. [Exit, C. 

Sam. Don't mention it. I may be a fool, but I guess I've 
fooled him. Let me see^I'll send this letter to the Colonel. 
It assures my marriage to Sadie. And this : " To the lovely 
Sadie." Shall I give it to her ? 

Aunt S. (oj', R.). Colonel, Colonel, where are you ? 



A (:il!)!;d yol'TH. 



25 



Sam. Happy thought. I'll give it to the old girl. 
Enter Aunt Sadie, r. u. e. - 

Aunt S. Colonel, Colonel, why don't you answer ? Ah, Mr. 
Gilder, good afternoon. I am so very, very glad to see you. 
Excuse my coming so suddenly. I thought the Colonel 

Sam. You're perfectly welcome, fairest of the fair. Pardon 
my boldness. Just a thought, you know. 

Aunts. You are an arch tlattv-rer, Mr. Gilder. No wonder 
we shy young things are afraid of you. 

Sam. Yes, you young girls are likely to be timid. By the 
way, here is a note I just received for you. 

Aunt S. For me !. Whom is it from ? 

Sam. Open it and see. I hope it brings good nev/s. {UpC.) 
Now for a regular old tip-top circus. [Exit C. 

Aunt S. For me .? " To the lovely Sadie." Oh, the bold, 
bad man ! How dare he address me thus ? {Opens letter.) 
" Sweetest lovey dovey Sadie." Oh, the wretch ! Fll not read 
another line. Indeed I won't. Still— perhaps I ought to. 
" Dearest Sadie : " — was that it ? No — " Sweetest lovey dovey 
Sadie." He's not so bad after all. What else does he say ? 
" The bounding billovv'S of my enraptured heart all flow to thee." 
He's a charming man. " Become my popsy wopsy wife," To 
be sure I will — the sweet, dear, darling man ! Who is he .? 
Moses Margin — the New York banker. Become your wife t 
Oh, Moses, Moses, I will, I will. " Meet me at Culpepper's cot- 
tage at six o'clock." Yes, yes ! Fll be there, you darling, you. 
Six o'clock ! Why, it's past four now ! I must hurry ! {Goes 
R.) Brother ! Brother ! Order the carriage quick ! It's a 
case of life and death ! Oh, the darling man ! 

^Kisses letter and exit, R. i E. 

Enter Sadie, c. 

Sad. Why, what's the matter with Aunt Sadie ? If this 
isn't a lively day I never saw one. Well, let them go it. Fll 
wait for Sam. \Sits at table and reads. 

Enter Moses, c. 

Moses. I wonder if I left my hat here ? I'm sure I — hello ! 
There's the young lady who thought I was a doctor. Wonder 
if it wouldn't be a good idea to ])ractise a little love-making with 
her before calling on Sadie. I'll try it. {About to kiss her. 

Sad. Murder ! Fire ! Thieves ! \^Runs L. 

Enter Col., r. ; Sam, c. 

Col. Here's that infernal preacher again. 
Moses. Confound the luck ! 



26 A GILDED YOUTH. 

Col. Get out, or I'll knock your head off. 

Moses. Will you, though ! 

Sam. All ready for the first round ! 

Sad. Don't let them fight. 

Moses. Come on, you old pirate ! 

Sam. Here now, if you want to fight go out doors ! 

[Moses ajid Q.o\.. fight. Sam gets between them. They 
piLsh him aside ; then MoSES turns around stage, fol- 
lowed by Col., Sam, and Sadie. Sam finally gets be- 
tween them, holding them off. 

Curtain. 

[Second Curtain. — Moses on knees to Sadie, r., who is 
shaking finger at him. Sam standing offCoi.., L. c. 

[Third Curtain. — Sam leads them up c. by ears. 
Sadie is off. 



ACT III. 

Scene. — Handsomely furnished room in fourth grooves. 
Doors C. and L. i e. 

Aunt Sadie at table, l. c, at rise, iisijig powder. 

Aunts. Past five o'clock! In a little more than half an 
hour I shall launch my frail craft on the broad sea of matri- 
mony. Oh, blissful thought ! And yet I must not forget my 
maidenly coyness. Ah, me ! How my timid little heart 
flutters ! Sit still, little bird, sit stil!. The trying ordeal will 
soon be over. How — I — dread it! {Quickly.) Dear me, I 
-wish it was six o'clock. Why doesnt he come. Supposing, 
after ail, this should be one of that Sammy Gilder's jokes ? 
He'd find it no joke ; I'd marry him myself. {Looks off, c.) 
No — it's all right. Here comes my Moses now. {Looks.) 
No — it's only a horrid, old, old man in black. {Comes down.) 
Well, I'll m.ake short work of hifn. [^Sits, L. 

Enter Moses, c, with valise. 

Moses. Here on time. {Looks at watch.) In fact, a leetle 
ahead of time. So much the better. Now, if I could find a 
servant to show me a room. {Sees AUNT S.) There's one. 
"Oh, fairest of the rural maids " 

Aunt S. Thank you, but we don't want any. 

Moses. Want any ? Any what ? 



A GILDED YOUTH. 2^ 

Aimt S. Any volumes o{ j)()etry. We never buy books on 
subscription. Therefore, Mr. Kook Agent — — 

Moses. Book agent ? I'm no book agent, madam. 

Aunt S. No ? Well, I've no cold victuals to-day. 

Moses. Confound your cold victuals ! 

Aunt S. Sir ! If that is the way you solicit alms, I imagine 
you have very little success. 

Moses. Solicit alms ? If you please, madam, — I'm no 
beggir. 

Aunt S. {iisidc). Why, I never thought ! It's the new 
coachman. My good man, I meant no offense. I suppose you 
called regarding the engagement .-* 

Moses. Such was my purpose, madam. 

Aunt S. My brother spoke of it. 

Moses {aside). The old fool must have told all creation. 

Aunt S. Now, sir, 1 suppose you are a careful man ? 

Moses. I have that reputation, I believe. 

Aunt S. And you are not fast ? 

Moses. Fast ? 

Aunt S. I mean, fond of fast driving. 

Moses {siniling). Well, with a good team I like to go like 
the deuce. 

Aunt S. (aside). I don't like him a bit. (Aloud.) Well, 
sir, we should expect you to take good care of the horses — rub 
them down thoroughly, you know. 

Moses. What ! I, Moses Margin, rub down horses ! 

Aunt S. Moses Margin ? Oh, what have I done ! 

\Cj^osses. 

Moses, {aside). I wonder who I am, anyhow ? 

Aunt S. I am delighted to welcome you here, Mr. Margin. 

Moses. Then, I was expected ? 

Aunt S. With the most restless impatience. 

Moses. I ani pleased to hear that. My letter, then, was re- 
ceived ? 

Aunt S. With the most excruciating delight. {Aside.) 
Why doesn't he kiss me ? I wouldn't let him do it — but then 
he ought to try. 

Mos.S. Why doesn't she bring in Sadie ;ind introduce me ? 

Aunts. Ah, you darling man, did you fear your suit would 
be rejected ? 

Moses. Oh, no. (2uite the contrary I flatter myself. {Aside.) 
Darling man ! Bah ! 

Aunt S. Six o'clock is the liour, I believe you said. How 
my timid heart palpitates. 

MoScS. Don't be alarmed, madam. You are perfectly safe. 
I'y the way, shall I not be allowed to press a fond lover's kiss 
U[)on my fair Sadie's rosy lips. 



s 



28 A GILDED YOUTH. 

Aunt S. Oh ! You take my breath away, you giddy, giddy 
man. 

M0S3S {aside^. Now, what the deuce is the matter with 
her ? 

Aunt S. But I suppose if you really insist, you might take 
a wee little bit of a one — but only one, mind you, only one ' 

Moses. I wonder if she has been drinking t 

Aunt S. How bashful you are, you darling. 

Mo:es. This old woman and I will have a row directly. 

Aunt S. And— pardon my maidenly doubts — you will always 
be good to your Sadie ? 

Moses. Madam, I shall certainly be all that a kind and 
loving husband can be. 

Aunts. Of course, you will. And, now, would you like to 
retire to your room like a good boy to prepare for the blissful 
ceremony ? 

Moses. If you please. [Picks up valise. 

Aunt S. Your room is all ready. It is the first one on the 
right. A21 revoir. I — I — {Runs to MoSES and kisses him.) 
There ! you dear, darling, bashful creature ! 

Mosss. Madam ! I'm astonished ! There would have been 
plenty of time to salute the bridegroom after the ceremony, 
madam ! 

Aunts. But I —I couldn't help it, and I really meant no 
offense. 

Moses. 1 suppose not. I ani not at all vain, but I know that 
very few of the gentler sex can resist my fascinating appearance. 
And I assure you that I appreciate the delightful moments 
which I have passed in your charming society. {Boivs, up c.) 
The old hag ! To dare to kiss me ! [Exit, C 

Aunt S. Good-by, good-by, you darling ! Oh, isn' t he 
sweet ! I must hurry now and prepare for this solemn, serious, 
delightful occasion ! Um — m ! Isn't it nice I [Exit, E. 

Enter Sam, c, rather tised up. 

Sam. I've been getting married. But my wife didn't ruffle 
me up this way. It was another fellow. Been talking politics. 
He said my party wasn't any good. I said it was ; he said it 
wasn't ; 1 said it was ; he called me a liar — but he'll never do so 
any more. He can't talk very well anyhow, until he gets some 
new teeth. 

Enter Sadie, l. i e. 

Sad. Well, of all things— ha ! ha ! ha ! 

Sam. Yes, that's right ; call me a thing. 

Sad. What have you been, doing .? 

Sam. Fellow and I have been having- some fun. 



A CxILDED YOUTH. 29 

Sad. What about ? 
Sam. About five minutes. 
Sad. Well, you're a sight. 

Sam. I suppose so. But say, you ought to see the other 
fellow. 

Sad. Did you whip him ? 

Sam. I never thought to ask. If he's come to yet, I'll 
inquire. 

Sad. Never mind. Stay here and I'll straighten you out. 

Eam. Straighten me out ? Say, I ain't crooked. 

Sad. {at fable). Come here and sit down. 

Sair.. Eh ? 

Sad. Come here and sit down. 

S.im. {aside). Husband and wife are one. I wonder it I'll 
be the one ? 

Sad. Hurry up, Sam. 

Sam. {in chair). Say, what are you going to do ! 

Sad. {arranging his tie, etc.). Fix you up so you won't look 
so bad. There. Now to touch your face up. 

[Applies powder. 

Sam. You ought to make a good soldier. 

Sad. Why ? 

Sam. Because you're not afraid of powder. Here, go easy 
on that side. The fellow banged me there. 

Sad. Poor Sammy ! There. Now you look all right. [r. 

Sam. Wouldn't knovk' I'd been scrapping, eh ? 

Sad. Not a bit. Now, Sam, you know 

Sam. Uh ! 

Sad. What's the matter ? 

Sam. I thought I was going to sneeze. 

Sad. Oh, bother. Now, Sam, the Colonel mustn't know we 
are married. 

Sam. Of course not — ^j-just now. 

Sad. So I've an idea. 

Sam. Good gracious ! Whereabouts ! 

Sad. In my head — stupid. We'll f6ol the Colonel. 

Sam. Yes, but there's no need 

Col. {off C). Oh, the scoundrel ! 

Sad. Here he comes. Now remember — back me v\\i in 
whatever 1 do. [Exit, i-. i E. 

Sam. That's cool, — and it makes me hot. Back her up ? 
Well, I suppose if I don't back her up, she will get her back up 
and then the deuce will be to pay. 

Enter Col. with letter, c. D. 

Col. (takes stage). So, I'm a thundering fool ; eh ? And a 
stupid jackass, am I .? Am I ? " And you can go to the devil ! " 



30 A GILDED YOUTH. 



Oh, I can, can I ? Thunderation ! I can't stand that. 1 know 
what I'll do. [Crosses 

Sam. Wonder if he's been eating cucumbers ? 

Col. I'll hunt the fellow up, and when I meet him I'll 
pulverize him. 

Sam. What seems to be the matter ? 

Col. Matter ! Here — read this letter. 

Sam. {reads). " Thundering fool ! ' 

Col. Yes, sir ! 

Sam. " Stupid jackass." 

Col. Yes, sir. ^ 

Sam. " Never marry your ward.'' 

Col. Yes, sir ! No, sir ! Confound him. 

Sam. That's a very annoymg letter. It rather upsets your 
plans. 

Col. It certainly does. 

Sam. Then you ought to plan to upset him. 

Col. Won't I though ! I'll make him think he's been struck 
by an insane baseball club. 

Sam. Yes. Well, as old Moses says he won't have her, that 
leaves her free to marry me. 

Col. So you are determined to have her, eh ? 

Sam. My determination is like a rock — in fact a whole pile 
of rocks. And speaking of rocks — I hope you'll come down 
with plenty of them. 

Col. Oh, you do ! And supposing I say no ? 

Sam. In that case I shall be under the painful necessity of 
suing you for breach of promise. [Exit, L. i E. 

Col. Breach of promise ! Well, I admire his nerve ; I do 
(Sadie screams off, L. ; Colonel, r. c.) Hello, hello, what's 
going on in there ? 

Enter Sadie, l. i ^e.., followed by Sam. 

Sad. Colonel, Colonel, save me from that man. 
Col. What's he doing ? 

Sad. {cries). He's pup-pup-persecuting me. 
■ Col. What ! 
Sad. Yes, he is. 

Sam. Oh, come now, I say 

Sad. {aside to Sam). 'Sh — keep still. 
Col. What does this mean ? 

Sad. He persecutes me everywhere, he does. He follows 
me day and night, so he does ! 

Col. The young scoundrel ! [c. ; Sadie, r. 

Sad. And he swears 

Sam. No, I don't swear. The worst I ever say is " damn." 
Sad. You can't imagine what a bold, bad man he is. 



1 



A GILDED YOUTH. - $1 

Col. Um — he does look rather bad. 

Sad. And he says if I don't marry him that he'll carry me off 
and hide me in a cave like a pi-pi-pirate king, so he does. 

Col. Oh, he will, will he ? 

Sam. Now, what the deuce is she driving at ! 

Sad. But you won't let him, will you ? 

Col. Let him ? Never, my dear. 

Sad." Oh, thank you— for I would rather die than marry 
hmi. 

Sam. Oh, say now 

Col. Shut up ! And why so ? 

Sad. Because he's a fool. {Crosses to Sam.) Back me up 
now. 

Col- Eh, eh ? Hold on now — hold on. He's no fool. 

Sad. Well, I'm sure he only made love to me to spite you. 
(Col. surprised.) Back me up now, back me up. 

Sam. Heh ? 

Sad. Back me up — don't be stupid. 

Sam. Yes, I never intended to marry her. 

Col. Why not, eh ? 

Sam Because she toes in! 

Sad. Oh ? 

Sam. And she chews gum. And eats onions and cabbage. 
( To Sadie.) See ? 

Sad. You just wait. 

CoL Well, you will marry her. Understand ! 

Sam. Are you positive about it? 

Col. Yes, sir, I'm positive. 

Sam. You swear to it ? 

Col. Yes, sir. 

Sam. Well, I won't do it. 

Col. Yes, you will. 

Sam, Yes, I won't. 

Col. Why not ? 

Sam. Because we're one already. 

Col. Married, by Jupiter ! 

Sam. No, sir— by the dominie. And I've ordered a magnifi- 
cent wedding dinner-- at your expense of course. 

Col. Talk about your cheek. 

Sad. You'll give us your blessing, won't you, guardy .? 

Sam. And at the same time, just j)ut in something solid in 
the way of a wedding present. A brown stone front on the 
Avenue, or a cottage at Newport. I'm not proud. 

Col. Evidently not. You're about as modest a specimen of 
humanity as I ever saw. 

Sam. You overpower me. I really believe I'm blushing. 
Col. Um— you'll survive it. \^Goes, R 



32 A GILDED YOUTH. 

Enter Aunt S., c. ; takes stage. 

Sad, Oh, Sam, look at that ! 

Sam. She's got her war paint on. 

Col- Good heavens, sister, have you gone crazy ? 

Aunts. Crazy ? No, indeed I Why do you all stare at me 
as if I were a museum freak. 

Sad. But that outlandish costume. 

Aunt S. Outlandish, Miss ? And pray how would you dress 
if you were going to be — be — be 

Sam. For heaven's sake what ? 

Aunt S. {bashfully). Why, you know I'm going to be — be — 
you see — {laughs) to be married. 

Sam. Married ! 

Aunt S. To be sure. Is there anything so very remarkable 
about that? Young girls have been married before this, I 
believe. 

Sam. I'll bet she's roped in old Margin. 

Col. {aside). Married ! 

Sam. And who is the victim ? 

Aunt S. Victim ? 

Sad. He means the happy groom. 

Aunt S. Oh, brother, he's such a nice young man, such a 

handsome, sweet, lovely, darling duck of a man. And he will 

be right here all ready for the blissful ceremony at six o'clock 

precisely. \ Clock strikes six. 

Enter Moses, c. 

Aunt S. He is here. [R. C. 

Col. There's that confounded preacher again. 

Sam. Now for an explosion. 

Col. You scoundrel ! How dare you insult us with your 
vile presence ! 

Sam {to Moses). Give it to him ! 

Moses. And you, sir ! How dare yon thus address a man of 
my standing } 

Col. Your standing indeed ! Get out now, get out, or I'll 
break every bone in your body. 

Aunt S. Brother, stop ! Hov/ dare you assault this dear 
nian. 

Col. Dear fiddlestick. What is he to you ? 

Aunts. Tome? Everything. My. word, my life, my light. 
The man I am to marry. 

Sam. Now for a cyclone ! 

Moses. Marry you, madam ? Yoii ? Well, I should say not. 

Aunt S. Didn't you say your love for me was like a blazing 
volcano ? Did you not implore me to quench the raging fires ? 

Sam. Of course he did. 



A GII.DKD YOUTH. 33 



AiiTit <^ Yes sir. And vou asked me to meet you here at 
six^oVdock wle;-e I would -.md a. ,u,-gushin,. heart ready to 
marry me. i,ln,rUy:^ Deny it d you dare Moses Margm ! 

Col Moses Margin ! Arc /6-// Moses Ma. gm 

Yes sir, I'm Moses Margin, as you will discover to 



vour cost. .,11 -i 

Col And you call me a l)lockhead. do you ? 
Moses. Yes, I do-a thundering blockhead. 
Col. Oil, let me get at you ! 
Sam. Now stand up to him. 

calling me a fortune-hunter, sir ? 
Col. I never sent you that letter. 

AunTs ' And whLt do you mean by this letter ? . ,. 

^"■"^ ^- %ll shake letters, crying. •■ Yesstr, No s,r. etc. 
<5a,r, Hooray! It's a regular chicken t^ght. 
A^ini S Oh oh I You'Ubreak my heart. \Sits; ■weeps. 
f^m A.n't >-" -ha-"' of yourself-mak.ng that poor 

'Toi 'lo';^ 'iLre, sir. I never sent you that letter. 

S'%o'':iV"l'sem it to the young man standing yonden 

Moses Wl';. you wretched old falsifier, that young man 
gave me the letter himselt. 

Moses.'"\'es, tir; 'And he induced me to send you that reply. 

Sad. Now, Sam ! 

Col Ah, now I begin to see. 

gr T'hr£i:%>rwe'"tth been duped by that con- 

'°tses.'"Thryoung reprobate ! n, break his head. 

^i&. (interposing,. Oh, no, you won t. 

Sam No I guess you better not. 

Cr' And you really intended to marry that young lady ? 

Moses. Certainly. I'll marry her now. 

17.- v'Jut 'to'ottl.'^ir. She married that young rascal a 
short time ago ,^^,^ ^ f„„, ^f^ thanks to 

yol!^r°^,!fund':r;ng:'\'eT"ve,l n, retur^ to Ke. York and 

3 



34 A GILDED YOUTH. 

Sam. The Goddess of Liberty has broke loose. 

Moses. Well, madam, what is it ? 

Aunt S. I want a few words with you. 

Moses. I'm all out ot words ; besides, I've no time to spare. 

Aunt S. You'd better take time. 

Sam. Now for trouble. 

Moses {^0 Sam). What shall I do ? 

Sam. You'd better pacify the old girl. She looks bad in the 
eye. Here, give her three minutes, and I'll time you. 

Moses. AH right. 

Aunt S. You are going away ? (MoSES nods.) To leave 
me forever ? (A^od.) And never coming back ? 

Sam. Ten seconds gone. 

Aunt S. But — you — are — not — gone. (Nods head over fore- 
going ivords.) And what is more, you are 7iot going one 
single solitary step until you have fulfilled your sacred solemn 
promise. 

Moses. I made none. 

Sam. Half a minute! 

Aunt S. Yes, you did, Moses Margin, and I have it right 
here in black and white. Oh, Moses, to think of building my 
hopes up. (Sam pomts, followed by MoSES.) Only to dash 
them down. {Soiuid business.) To win my young, innocent, 
trusting heart, only to cast it out into the cold pitiless world. 

Sam. Ain't you ashamed of yourself ! Time's up. 

Moses. Good-day. [Slarls up c. 

Aunt S. Stop ! If you leave me thus, Moses Margin, I'll 
follow you to New York and sue you for breach of promise in 
the presence of the whole Stock Exchange. 

Sam. Now you see what comes from writing love letters. 

Mcses. Surely, madam, you cannot mean it. 

Aunt S. I mean every, word of it. (Down, L. C. 

Moses. I believe she does. (Rufis to Sam.) My dear young 
man — can't you do something to move her from her fool pur- 
pose ? 

Sam. Move her ? I might as well try to move the Rocky 
Mountains. 

Moset;, I'm in for it. 

Sam. Say, she's not so bad after all. She's a quarter of a 
million in her own right. 

Moses. Is that so .'' 

Sam. Fact. And you must admit that she's rather good- 
looking. 

Moses. Yes. 

Sam. Another thing — she was only twenty-nine in July. 
(Aside.) Thirty years ago. 

Moses, Is that straight ? 



A GILDED YOUTH. 35 

Sam. Dead straight. 

Moses. By Jove, it's a go. [Approaches AUNT S. 

Sam. Poor devil ! 

Col. {shakes Sam's hand). My boy, you're a brick ! You 
shall have the brown stone front. |MoSES speaks to Aunt S. 
Sad. And the cottage at Newport .'' 
Col. Yes, two of 'em. It's worth it to get rid of her. 
Moses. "Oh, fairest of the rural maids, thy home is in the 

forest glades " 

Aunt S. Never mind the poetry, I am yours. Moses, yours. 

^Embraces him. 
Sam. Then we'll all join in the chorus ! 

[Chorus ''Bowery Grenadiers." Up and down stage 
twice. On second time down. 



CURTAIN. 
L. Moses. Aunt S. Sam. Sadie. Colonel. r. 



A NEW FARCE COMEDY, 



THE WIDOW rPOM THE WEST. 

A Farce Comedy- in Three Acts. 

By HILTON COON. 

Five male, three female characters. Scene, an easy interior, the same for 
all three acts; costumes, modern and eccentric. Vhis piece, which was succe.'^s- 
fully presented for a season by the Don C. Hall Comedy Company, touring the 
Western States, is a farce comedy of the irresponsible school founded by Mr. 
Hoyt. Depending largely for its fun upon the contributions of individual 
humor of iis players, it reciprocates by supplying a strong, if loosely woven, 
fabric of plot which can be embroidered with "specialties" to any extent. 
Plot is not usually a strong point in such pieces, but " The Late Mrs. Early," as 
it has also been called, provides quite enough to carry the interest of the per- 
formance successfully. The piece has plenty of incident and " business," and 
room for much more, and its characters provide an excellent basis for clever 
comedians to build " hits " upon. Not recommended for schools or church per- 
formance, as it is essentially theatrical in character. 

Price IS Cents, 



SYNOPSIS. 

ACT I. — The Weeping "Willow Hotel. Indis Guys, the detective. Back 
from Klondike. ''After the ball." The old maid's visit. A clever scheme. 
The Widow from the West. • " If I was n't a married man." The rivals, A tele- 
gram. Sick abed. Angelina arrives. 

ACT II.— The two nurses. Sassafras tea. The bell-boy. Touched for two 
hundred. "Charge it in the bill." The red silk stocking. The detective again. 
"No one has ever seen my face." A noted criminal. Touched again. "Dis- 
charging" the boarders. "Ephesus, you have deceived me." Angelina defied. 

ACT III.— "One-eyed Eddie." The F'rench maid. The widow and the de- 
tective. Knit vs Nit. "O Dusty! this is so sudden." A clock in a fit. The 
haunted house. Touched again. More fits. " Just like a man's beard." Caught 
at last. The telegram. *' What's the ditf — I've got on pants?" Angelina abol- 
ished. 



AN ENGAGING POSITION. 

A Comedy in Two Acts. 

By LEWIS E. MACBRAYNE. 

Three male, three female characters. A briskly and humorously written 
little comedy, with an ingenious plot, full of ludicrous situations. A society 
piece, admirably adapted for amateur performance, and calliug for pretty 
though not elaborate stage settings, and handsome modern costuming, morning 
and evening dress. Irs story concerns a young society man, who, by a series of 
mistakes, becomes engaged to three young ladies at one time — a somewhat try- 
ing and difficult position, the solution of which is ingeniously accomplished with 
most amusing results. An excellent piece, and a sure hit In the proper hands. 

Price 15 Cents. 



Senty postpaid, on receipt of price, by 

BAKER, 5 HAMILTON PLACE, BOSTON, MASS. 



NEW PLAYS. 



New Hampshire Gold- 

A COMEDY-DRAMA IN THREE ACTS. 
By KATHERINE E. RAND. 

EieM male, six female diameters. Scenery easily arranged; costumes, 
modern. An excellent piece, interesting in story, and full of shrewd and humor- 
ous character. It has a strong nielo.lramatic interest, but its general atmosphere 
is honu'lv and domestic, placing it in the class of plays to which ' ' The Old Home- 
stead " belongs. It provides some capital parts, both serious and humorous, and 
is well suited for the simplest conditions under which amateur theatricals are 
given. Printed from an acting copy which has been successfully performed. 
Plays two hours. 

Price, 15 Cents. 



SYNOPSIS. 

ACT I. At the Gerrishes. The thirst of gold. "A poor fool." David and 
Daisv. Lessons in flirtation. The laziest man on the farm. Putting out the fire. 
The landslide. The speculator from Boston. An old fox. The gold mine "I'm 
determined to marry a very rich mnn." The partnership Davids refusal 

ACT II The nmrtgage. Christie's misgivings. Salting the mine. The lost 
letter "The Boston feller." Ma.idv's paper dolly A clue. To the mine. 
" Whatever It is, Christie Gerrish is gom' to bein it." Caught in the act DiS' 
semblin^ The speculator's revenge. Daisy's interrupted vow. I he awtul tid- 
fn^.J Daisy true gold. "I don't care if it's ten thousaud mghts ; let me go, 
mothm; let me go r' ^^^^ e^^iator. The convalescent. ''As cross as two 
sticks " A lost memory. Jack and Daisy. A misunderstanding The Colonel s 
daughter " That letter." Gid and Bijah. A thunderstorm, which clears the 
ah^ The crisis. David's sacrifice. " I've never been able to remember anything 
about it." The n.ortgagc. The debt paid. "I am the richest man in the 
world." 



A Tell=Tale Eyebrow. 

A COMEDY IN TWO ACTS. 

By ESTHER B. TIFFANY. 

Author of "A Rick Pudding," "A Model Lover," Etc. 

Two male four female characters. Scenery, an easy interior ; costumes, 
mo,len and elegant. A very pretty and graceful little piece of healthy sent,- 
me fand refi. edluimor, perfectly adapted for amateur performers and appeal 
h-tothebes ta.te in such matters. In story and treatment a ike this latest 
?cAsa2rleab Y c^ of the author of "A Rice Pudding," and can 

Kiy fall to pfeaU the taste to which that popular piece so successfully 
appealed. Plays an hour and a quarter. 

Price, IS Cents. 



NEW ENTERTAINMENTS. 



BLIGHTED BUDS. 

A. B^ARCK IN Onk Act. 

By JULIA DE W. ADDISON, 

Author of " A False Note," " Under a Si'ell," Etc. 

Four male and four female characters. Costumes, modern ; scene, a garden. 
An excellent farce of the more refined type, full of fun, but never broad or 
boisterous in its humor. John Sniiih, an enterprising drummer. Prof. Palman, 
a timid scientist, Pat and Katy, Irish servants, and Drusilla Durham, a senti. 
mental spinster, are all capital parts. Strongly recommended. 
Price . . . . 15 cents. 



I 



The Grand Baby Show. 

Aisr Enxertainiment f^or Littlk Koi^kis. 

written and originally produced by the 
SIStERS OF MERCY, 

MEIIIUEN, CONN. 

For one boy and from ten to twenty-five little girls. This is a platform enter- 
tainment, no scenery being necessary, and the costumes arc very easily arranged. 
The idea and action of the piece are sufficiently indicated by its title. It was 
highly successful in its original performance by the Sisters of Mercy, Meriden, 
€oun., and is recommended on this ground as well as for the novelty of the idea. 
It is presented pai'tly in dialogue, but largely in choruses, and the original music, 
complete, accompanies the songs. A very pretty march is an effective incident 
of the piece. An excellent children's entertainment. 

Price . . . . 15 cents. 



The New Woman. 

With One Act, One Scene and One Purpose. 
By GEORGE RUGG. 

One male and three female characters. Costumes, modern ; scenery, very 
simple. This is a bright and up-to-date little skit upon a very old subject that 
never ceases to be entertaining. " The New Woman " is put through a few 
modern paces with amusing results. Plays only fifteen minutes. 

Pri' , 15 cents. 



NEW ENTERTAINMENTS. 



THE BOOK OF DRILLS. 

F^AI^X III. 

A series of entertainments for parlor or luill by Makv B. IIornk, autlior of 
"Tin-; Book OF DuiLLS," Parts I and II; "The Pkak Sistebs," " Pkof. 
Baxter's Great I^'VE^'Tlox," etc. 

Price, 30 Cents. 

CONTENTS. 

Looking Backward Drill 

J'or c'trjlit i)erformers, ladies or gentlemen, or both, 

LivixG ADVERTibEMEXTS . . . For a large mimhcr of i)erformers. 

The Dwarfs' Daxce For four to eight hoys. 

Gulliver and the Liliputians up to Date . . . For ten bogs. 



THE BOOK OF DRILLS. 

IPA-RT IV. 

A series of entertainments for parlor, stage or lawn b.v Margaret 
Fezandie, Mks. L. K. Rogers and Nellie E. Case. 

Price, 30 Cents. 

CONTENTS. 

The Tennis Drill For sixteen girls. 

The Soap-Bubble Drill For s'xteen girls. 

The Harvesters For eight girls and eight boijs. 

The Bread-and-Milk Drill .... For very little children. 



A PAIR OF LUNATICS. 

A DRAMATIC SKETCH IN ONE SCENE. 
By W. R. WALKES. 

For one lady and one gentleman. A clever and amusing little piece, suitable 
for stage or platform. Ketjuires no scenery, and plays about twenty minutes. 

Price, 15 Cents. 



A NEW CUBAN PLAY. 



THE ROUGH RIDER. 

A Drama in Four acts. 

By BERNARD F. HOORE. 

Seven male, two fetLale characters. Costunifs modern and military; sce- 
nery easy but eti'eccive. I his piece, rctlecting as it does the current patriotic 
sentiment ami deaiiiig with ihe scenes and incidents of the late war, is likely to 
be very popular with amateur clvibs thisseason. The attempt has been made in 
it to construct an (.tt'ective piny, providing stirring picture sand situationp, in- 
spiring p ttrioLic seutmieiit, aiul recalling familiar incidents of the war, without 
the vise <>f sui)ernuinerarit-s or the need of elnbori^te scenery or properties. 
Better plays, no doubt, can be written, but better plays for the use of amateur?, 
bearing in mind their artistic linn at ions and the difficultitsofiered by elaborate 
scenery and groupings, are not otten to be had. A small ca?t, strongly marked 
characters, Negro and Irish co-nelv pirts, rapid movement and strong lines 
unite to recommend this piece, \vhi>h plays about two hours. 

Price . . . . . . . 15 Cents. 



SYNOPSIS. 

ACT I. — War clouds. The new overseer. Father and son. The blowing- 
up of the "Maine." A glimpstjinto the past. A scheme of revenge. An Irish- 
man's courtship. Nigger ?;.s'. Irish. A serious (luestion. A declaration of love 
and another of war. The call fcr volunteers. " Take that, you Spanish dog!" 
The firs': blow for the freedom of Cuba. 

ACT 11.— Sergeant Katferty. The Tiougli Riders. A^ma in danger. The 
Cuban spy. A litter. Saui and Dennis. "Chickens, or I'm a liar!" A meet- 
iiiii. News from Manila. Traitors in camp. Dinger. The poisoned water. 
Theabiluc ion. " We'll save him or die in the attempt! " 

ACT 111. — In a Spanish prison. A black angel. Explanatinns. Planning 
an escape. The villain shows his hand. A forced mainage. "Kemember! a 
Spauiar I never forgets." The Cuban spy again. The bombardment of Santiago, 
Laving low. The marriage ceremony. The tables turned. "There's one blow 
for the *»tars and Stripes." The fall of Santiago. 

ACT TV.— Peace once more. A mysterious stranger. Suspicions. The 
Spanish kidnapper. Seiior Patl'erty's proposal. A colored " best man." The 
broken dishes. Throwing off the mask. "I am no servant." In the nick of 
time. Rescued. A cowardly trick. " Pedro, you have saved my life." 



AN OPEN SECRET. 

A Farce in Two Acts. 

FOR FEMALE CHARACTERS OXLY. 

By HARION D. CAHPBELL. 

As originally presented by the Emmanuel Club, Radf^lilfe College, Cam- 
bridge. Ten female characters. Costumes, outing dresses; scene, a college 
room. A particularly bright and vivacious littilo glimpse of colUge life,].!-. - 
sen ing a particularly humorous and characteristic story w.th mucii vigor and 
skill. A brand new plot in a piece for female characters only is something of a 
rarity, but the author has hit upon something absolutely novel in this piece, 
and full of incidental humor and interest. Strongly recommended. 

Price . , 15 Cents. 



Sent postpaid, on receipt of price, by 

BAKER, 5 HAMILTON PLACE, BOSTON, MASS. 



NEAaZ RL-KVS. 



THE BOHEMIANS. 

A Comedy in Three Acts. 
By E. J. COWLEY. 

Eight male and four female characters. Costumes, modern ; scenery, easy-, 
an interior and an exterior — not elaborate. This is a piece in an attractive, 
liglit-coniedy vein with a strong sympathetic interestand great dramatic strength, 
lis scenes and characters strongly suggest those of " Trilby," which, however, it 
resemble:; only in that it concerjis itself also with art and artists. Jack Brandt 
is an admirable heroic part ; Madge, a strong lead ; Bertie FoUet and Blanche, 
very "up-to-date" light comedy ; Dale, Smiley and Freddy Sproul, a good 
group. Noel (heavy) and ^Nlrs. Van Slick (character) both good. A strong piece 
for a good company, in its unusual combination of lightness and strength. Plays 
a, full evening. 

Price . . . 15 cents. 

Synopsis. 

Act I.— Poverty. Jack's studio. Freddie's flowers. The Bohemians. Mirth 
and music. Jack and Noel. The busy bee. A windfall. The pangs of poverty. 
" The dream of my life." Madge's lore affair. An advance agent. The dawn of 
prosperity. " The noble stranger." Jack's sacrifice. The legacy. Luck at last. 

Act il.— Riches. A little cloud. "That horrid pipe." Mrs. Van Slick 
and the iMajor. An up-to-date engagement. The deceived dude. A cooling 
heart. Madge, the tom-boy. Tlie Major's advice. Madge's discovery. " Forgive 
me. Jack ; I might have known." The Bohemians again. Noel drops the mask. 
" I am the master here." Jack's dog. Disowned. Jack's word. "From this 
moment we are strangers." 

Act III. — Poverty again. The studio. Freddie and his sixteen-pounder. 
Back to the old home. Madge's surprise. Jack's reward. Noel's claim. "The 
past Is at an end." " Take me. Jack, for it is you I love." The Bohemians once 
more. " Blessed are the poor." 



ROONEY'S RESTAURANT. 

A Farce in One Act. 
By F. E. HILAND, 

Author of "The Old Country Store," "A Town Meeting," 
'• CAUELEfss Cupid,'.' " Captain Swell," etc. 

Four male and two female characters. Scene, a plain room ; costumes, 
modern and eccentric. An admirable farce, thoroughly American and modern 
in its humor. An Irislunan, a Western desperado, a dude and an old maid are 
mingled in a side-spl'tliiig fabric of fun lasting twcMity. minutes. This piece is 
strongly rcconnnended to those who want good broad humor and lots of it. 
It Js not a school or parlor piece. 

Price .... 15 centg. 



A RIVAL BY REQUEST. 

A Comedy in Three Acts. 
By B. L. C. GRIFFITH. 

Author of "A BACHELOR'S Divorce." 

Six male and five female chai*acters. Cos tiimes, modern and appropi'iate ; 
scenery, two interiors. This is a comedy with an exceptionally well-constructed 
and interesting plot, abundant incident, and an unusual variety of character and 
humor. Its misunderstandings are ingenious and unforced and extremely laugh- 
able, and Pierson's confusion of Lord Anthony McMullin and Alexander Mug- 
gins, a source of unfailing mirth. In its well-marked contrasts and uniformly 
strong character it offers a peculiarly advantageous vehicle for the talent of a 
good amateur club. Plays two hours and a half without a dull moment. The 
dialogue is particularly rapid and brilliant. 

Price .... 15 cents. 

Synopsis. 

Act I. — Pierson and the cornet. Getting out of an engagement. The Briggs 
family. Smythe's English valet. On the move. Muggins. The lord or the 
lackey. Briggs and the bargain counter.- Lord McMullin. A sad mistake. 
Love at first sight. The new boarders. The plot thickens. A crisis. Engaged 
to two women at once. Bad for Pierson. 

Act IL -Cutting the knot. A useless servant. A lord for a lover. More 
misunderstandings. Briggs' nightmare. Nobody's fool. The ladies combine. 
Husbands on strike. Defiance. Briggs and the ballet. A three-cornered row. 
Pierson explains. The two McMullins. Revelations. A broken engagement. 
Another. Worse for Pierson. 

Act III. —Pierson in a plight. The two B's on a bat. "It's our wives' 
fault.'' An artful stratagem. The telegram. A plot that didn't work. Fixing 
it up. Muggins on thin ice. The two fiancees. Smythe's return. McMullin's 
restoration to the nobility. Worst for Pierson. Explanations. A show of hands. 
Pairing off. Muggins goes ba«k to private life. The band plays " Annie Laurie." 



THE REVOLVING WEDGE. 

A FOOTBALL Romance in One Act. 
By THORNTON M. W^ARE and GEORGE P. BAKER. 

Five male and three female characters. Costumes and scenery very simple. 
A capital farce, particularly adapted for Thanksgiving Day performances. Its 
excellent and original plot cleverly utilizes the universal mania for football, atul 
builds up from this foundation an admirable progression of incidents leading to 
a most laughable conclusion. Its method will at once suggest that of the popu- 
lar "Obstinate Family," and it can be safely recommended to any one who has 
liked that piece. Plays nearly an hour. 

Price . • . • 15 cents* 



QUITS. 

A Comedy in One Act. 
By ABBIE FARWELL BROWN. 

Two male and three female characters. Costumes, modern ; scene, an easy 
interior. This is a " college " play, tlie scene being laid at White Elms Semi- 
nary, and the story a brisk account of what might easily have happened there 
l)i!tween a couple of larky Harvard seniors and their sweethearts, Avhile trying 
to oTitwit the stern old Griffin of the establishment. Full of movement, vivacity 
a»-i interest. Perfectly easy to play and full of entertainment. Adapted to 
f" rlor or hall. Plays forty-five minutes. 

Price . . . . 15 cents. 



CAPTAIN SWELL. 

A Negro Farce in Two Scenes. 
By F. E. HILAND. 

Author of "A Town Meeting," "Rodney's Restaurant," etc. 

Five male and two female characters. Scenes, a street and an interior. 
Costumes, eccentric. A very funny piece with lots of character and incident, 
illustrating a phase of the struggle between " capital and labor." Sambo, Swell's 
servant, is a capital low-comedy part ; Dusty and Seedy, two ' bums," are good 
bits, and Swell, his wife, daughter and her dude lover, a good comedy group. 
Plays fifteen minutes. 

Price .... 15 cents. 



CARELESS CUPID. 

A Negro Farce in One Act. 
By F. E. HILAND. 

Author of "The Old Country Store," "The Lady Lawyer," etc. 

Three male and two female characters. Scene, a plain interior ; costimies, 
eccentric. This is an amusing piece, full of " business " and comic incident. It 
can be played with white faces and one negro low-comedy character (Cupid), or 
all black faces, as preferred. Plays twenty minutes. 

Price . • • IS cents*.' 



A NEW COriEDY, 



A GILDED YOUTH. 

A Comedy in Three Acts. 

By CHARLES TOWNSEND. 

Originally produced under the title of "Moses." Three male, two female charac- 
ters. Scenery, three easy interiors; cotsumes, modern. This piece, originally pro- 
duced by the author and employed by him for several seasons as part of his repertoire, 
provides for a full evening's entertainment and yet calls for but five characters, his 
unique in this particular, and meets a want often felt by small professional companies as 
well as by amateurs. It naturally follows that every part is an important one, since so 
few people are required to carry the interest of the piece, which is second to none of the 
author's extensive list, and possesses to the full those qualities of briskness, bustle, wit, 
humor, and "go" which constitute his professional trademark. Its story is neces- 
sarily a slender one, but it is complicated with an unusual wealth of humorous incident 
and ludicrous situation, and its action never liags for an instant. An "all star" com- 
edy for low comedian, " touch and go" light comedian, old man, old maid, and sou- 
brette. Strongly recommended. 

Price 25 Cents. 



SYNOPSIS. 

ACT I. — Time, a midsummer afternoon. Long Branch. A romantic maiden. The 
Colonel gets news. Sam and Sadie. The pitcher of milk and the tale of a cat. Aunt 
Sadie's " nerves." Moses! A case of mix. Sam gains a promise. Trouble threatened. 
Trouble comes. A grand smash. 

ACT II.— Five minutes later. Sam's letter. Law and love. Sadie's suggestions. 
The "Slugger." Sam on his muscle. Moses and the Colonel. More mistakes. " Set- 
tled out of court." The broken promise. Moses a wreck. " I want revenge." A joint- 
stock love-letter. Sam's device. Aunt Sadie sees a chance at last. Sam reads the Riot 
Act. Comical climax. 

ACT III, — An hour later. At the Colonel's. Aunt Sadie grows impatient. Moses 
more mystified. Sam talks politics with the usual result. The Colonel on the warpath. 
Sadie's scheme. "' Back me up now." The storm approaches. A cyclone — of fun. 
Sam's triumph. " After the storm, a calm." 



A Novelty in Entertainments. 



APOLLO'S ORACLE. 

By ESTHER B. TIFFANY. 

An entertainment in one act. This novel entertainment is admirably adapted for 
summer theatricals at hotels or country-houses, not only because it requires no scenery 
and calls for Greek costumes only, which are easily arranged, but because its fun de- 
pends as much upon the audience as upon the actors. Two ladies and one boy are re- 
quired for its representation, and any number of girls for chorus. Complete with music. 

Price 15 Cents 



Sent, postpaid, on receipt of price, by 

BAKER, 5 HAMILTON PLACE, BOSTON, MASS. 



NEiA£ PL-T^VS F=iOR GIRL-S. 



THE MAN IN THE CASE. 

A Comedy in Three Acts. 
By WINTHROP PACKARD. 



Six female characters. Costumes, modern ; scenes, two interiors. Another 
good answer to the old question, " How can we get up a play without any men?" 
This {)iece provides a story of considerable interest and dramatic strength, and 
even a mild love-interest, without the employment of any male characters. Its 
humor is refined, its dialogue bright, and its plot absolutely new and unlike 
other pieces of this sort. Written for and original y produced by the Emmanuel 
Club, of lladclift'e College, it is naturally well suited for performance in similar 
institutions. Madame Bogusky, an esoteric Buddhist, Alice Roquet, a transla- 
tion into the French, and Gladys, a Radclitf o Senior, are excellent parts. 

Price .... 25 cents. 

Synopsis. 

Act I. — Aline, the French-Irish maid. A new phrase — "wirrasthrue ! " 
The love-lorn maid. "Her Jack." Tonsulting the Mahatmas. Two Radclitfe 
seniors. Common sense vs. Theosophy. A girl's remedy. Madame Bogusky 
anil the cosmic cycles. Another Jack. ''Everybody's Jack." Jacks ahe 

TitTMl'S. 

Acr II. — The ladies' department. A messenger from India. More about 
Jack. Going to Harvard. Cap and gown. " The ghost-letter." A great (astral) 
light breaks upon JMrs. Montressor. Following suit. ^ ''Thim fancy shrouds." 

J.\< KS ARE TKUMI'KD. 

A( T III. — Kadclitfe dormitory. A college girl's room. A strange man. 
Aline's arrival The [)Ower of the Mahatmas. An elopement. "A pad for 
red ink." Fumigation. Ominous "signs." The search. " The real Mr. Wil- 
liams." Explanations. Jack takes the Trick. 



COUSIN FRANK. 

A Farce in One Act. 
By FRANCES AYflAR MATHEWS, 

Author of *' A Finished Coquette," "Wooing a Widow," etc. 

Five female characters. Costumes, modern ; scene, an easy interior, or 
none at all. A bright little piece, treating the old problem of " An Adamless 
Eden " in a new way. It has an entertaining story and bright and vivacious 
dialogue, which cannot fail to give twenty minutes of pleasure in parlor or hall. 

Price .... 16 centB. 



A NEW CUBAN PLAY. 



IN THE TRENCHES. 

A Drama of the Cuban War in Three Acts. 

By ABEL SEAMAN. 

Eight male, three female characters. Costumes modern and military; scenery not 
difficult. An exceptionally strong and well-constructed melodrama, full of powerful 
situations and humorous incidents, which has been successful in professional hands. 
Its story is full of interest, and is told by a well-selected and contrasted group of charac- 
ters, including Hebrew, Irish and Negro comedy roles. The second act is laid in the 
trenches before Santiago, and gives opportunity for military display if desired. Its 
action is very spirited, its climax strikingly heroic and its appeal to patriotic sentiment 
overwhelming. Strongly recommended. 

Price 15 Cents. 



SYNOPSIS. 

ACT I. — A strange will. War with Spain. The Colonel's history. Paul Davis' 
pride. The sealed packet. An honest man. A sad experience. A brave bargain. 
The dawn of love. ' Is he a coward? Held in trust. Financial agent. A brother's 
wrong. The seat of war. For love or money. Nadina's sacrifice. Passion's penalty. 
A man's independence. Strange disclosures. Rejected by the rose. The march to the 
front Beggar'd in pocket and bankrupt in love. With flying colors. A heart of gold. 
The roll of the drum. Away to the war. Facing the foe. 

ACT II.— In the trenches. Why he 'listed. An Irishman's philosophy. For 
valor. Unconscious of danger. Tiie sergeant's hut. On the slopes of Santiago. The 
Colonel's prejudice. Risen from the ranks. A half-dead Spaniard. Letters from home. 
Strange news A cruel insult. The plot of ruin. Spies in the camp. A token of love. 
For himself alone. Nadina's truth. Underarms. Ringing the changes. Doomed to 
dishonor. Cruel to be kind. Husband and wife. The envelope and the seal. Sent to 
the front. The Spanish colors. The forlorn hope. A soldier's death. Food for pow- 
der 

ACT III. ^ In Santiago. The two papers. A rogue's quarrel. A deserted wife. 
Green's luck. The sacred truth. A blameless life. Brought to the test. Mother and 
child. A man to love. For her sake. Nadina's sacrifice. The love of the lion. The 
eagle spreads his wings. Testing tlie metal. Struck to the core. The spider's web. 
Joy does not kill. Forget and forgive. After many years. The stolen proof. Hoist 
with his own petard. Spanish treachery. Biting the dust. True to himself. Bowled 
out. 



Rubber Boots. 

A FARCE IN ONE ACT. 
By riANLEY H. PIKE. 

One male, three female characters. Scenery, an easy interior; costumes modern. 
This is a most ingeniously imagined and cleverly written little piece, admirably suited 
for amateur performance. Its theme is the encounter of three young ladies with a tramp, 
and it provides twenty minutes of d Jightfully humorous incident and dialogue. The 
tramp is a." dumb " character, his part being wholly in pantomime, but remarkably 
eflEective. Very strongly recommended. 

Price 15 Cents. 



Sent postpaid, on receipt of price, by 

BAKEE, 5 HAMILTON PLACE, BOSTON, MASS. 



NEW PLAYS. 



OUR JIM. 

A COMEDY IN FOUR ACTS. 
By EGBERT W. FOWLER. 

Author of " A Mathimoxial Advkrtisement." 

Seven male, four female characters. Costuuies. modern and military; scenery; 
not (lifticuit. Anotlier of the popular class of strictly American comedy-dramas 
of which Mr. James A. iiearne's " Sliore Acres " is an admirable type. Especially 
strong in its fidelity to rustic life and character, buc of commanding melodramatic 
interest. Its humor is good and abundant, its sentiment wholesome, and its tone 
unexceptionable. It is printed from an acting copy, and possesses the terseness 
and vigor in performance that are bound to characterize a working manuscript. 
Plays two hours and a half. 

Price, . . . o o 15 Cents. 



SYNOPSIS. 

ACT I. *' My Country, 'tis of thee." Hunting eggs. A sad pickle. The dance 
in the old barn. The donation. The Deacon's speech. Jim and Grace. A posi- 
ti<jn of trust. The wayward son. The robbery. The innocent victim. "Give 
me until to-morrow — for her sake," A RKPKIEVE. 

ACT II. "The Girl I left behind me." Making butter and making love. 
Bob and Bess. High kicking. " A new exercise in the public schools." The 
.Major and the Mex can war. A confession. '• Father, jou do not doubt me ! " 
The accusation. Uncle John's sacrifice. The passing regiment. " God bring 
you back to us when your duty is done." Off to the war. 

ACT HI. " From Atlanta lo the Sea." Debby and the Major. Personalities. 
Letters from the front. " Our Jim a Captain ! " Tlie birthday party. A thunder- 
bolt. " Mortallv wounded." Titu p.itpkrxess oh' death. 

ACT IV. "When Johnny comes marching Home." Hope deferred. Bad 
news. The invalid. " She I'nust not know." Deacon Tidd and the mortgage. 
"One, two, three, git!" The Major to the rescue. A disappointed old maid. 
The newspaper. The dark hour befoi'e the dawn. The dead alive. A prodigal 
sou. The empty sleeve. 



THE MAN WHO WENT 
TO EUROPE. 

A COMEDIETTA IN ONE ACT. 

By CLARA J. DENTON. 

Author of "A CHANGE OF COLOR," "To Meet Mr. Thompson," etc. 

Three male, two female characters, and a small boy. A good-nature<l hit at a 
very common human weakness ; very slight, but amusing. Plays fifteen minutes. 

Price, 15 Cents. 



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>iV THE MAGISTRATE. I f ^'^^'"^^ '" ^^^"■^^ ^^ts. i>y arth uuw. 

f|> * * ^^ xTxxxvjx^ X xv^ 1 x^. I Yn^yy^ii. Twelve male, four female char- 

ifAW • ^ • aM •. . , . „ •'^t'teis. Costumes, modern; scenery, all 

m interior. 1 ho merits of this exeellent and amusing piece, one of the most popu- 

ifAV ^'^^ "^ '\** "'"'I'oi's Pl<-iys, are well attested by long and repeated runs in the 

^1^ principal Anuuicau theatres. It is of the highest class of dramatic writing, and 

jflw IS upruariousiy funny, and at the same time unexceptionable in tone. Its entire 

f 1^ suitability for amateur performance has been shown by hundreds of such pro- 

^Tw ductions from manuscript during the past three years. Plays two hours and 

f|]^ a half. (18^2.) 

'KS THE NOTORIOUS ^ Brama in Four Acts. By Arthur W. 

^,^ X 1 11^ INW 1 KJlS^VjyjO PiNERO. Eight male and five female charac- 



MRS. EBBSMITH. 



ters; scenery, all interiors. This is a " prob- 
lem " play continuing the series to which " The 
Profligate " and "The Second Mrs. Tanqueray" 
belong, and while strongly dramatic, and intensely interesting is not suited for 
amateur performance. It is recommended for Heading Clubs. (1895.) 

THF PROFT lOATF I APlayinFour Acts. By Arthur W.Pixe- 
xilJ^ JT IVWri^l^j/^ 1 li. j,Q_ ^e^,^„ jjjj^lg ^^^^ fl^^g female characters. 

' Scenery, three interiors, rather elaborate ; 

costumes, modern. This is a piece of serious interest, powerfully dramatic in 
movement, and tragic in its event. An admirable play, but not suited for ama- 
teur performance. (1892.) 

THE SCHOOLMISTRESS. I V.%lU^^f^t^^JJ,^^^\l 

p^— — ___J male characters. Costumes, mod- 
ern: scenery, three interiors, easily arranged. This ingenious and laughable 
farce was played bj Miss Kosina Yokes during her last season in America with 
great success. Its plot is amusing, its action rapid and full of incident, its dia- 
logue brilliant, and its scheme of character especially rich in quaint and humor- 
ous types. The Hon. Vere Queckett and Peggy are especially strong. The piece 
is iu all respects suitable for amateurs. (1894.) 



TfiE SECOND 
MRS. TANQUERAY. 



A Play in Four Acts. By Arthur W. 
PiNERo. Eight male and five female char- 
acters. Costumes, modern : scenery, three 
interiors. This -well-known and powerful 
play is not well suited for amateur per- 
formance. It is offered to Mr. Pinero's admirers among the reading public in 
answer to the demand \vhich its wide discussion as an acted plav has created. 
(1894.) Also in tloth, $1.00. 

SWFFT T AVFNDFR I ^ Comedy in Three Acts. By Arthur 
O W ILC 1 i^A V niNl^ni^. | ^v. Pinero. seven male and four female 
'——^————^————'—^-^——^ characters. Scene, a single interior, the 
same for all three acts ; costumes, modern and fashionable. This well known 
and popular pie(!e is admirably suited to amateur players, by Avhom it has been 
often given during the last few years. Its story is strongly sympathetic, and its 
comedy interest abundant and strong. (1893.) 

\(> 

7\'a the times I A Comedy in Four Acts. By Arthur "W. Pittero. Six 

\l/ ^-*'^* I male and seven female characters. Scene, a single ele- 

r~ ; gant interior; costumes, modern and fashionable. An 

eiitertaining piece, of strong dramatic interest and admirable satirical humor. 



M/ 



THE WEAKER SFX I ^ comedy in Three Acts. Bv Arthur 
xxxi^ Wi:.^vr^JJV On^f^ | w. Pinero. Eight male and eight female 

; . characters. Costumes, modern ; scenery, 

two interiors, not difficult. This very amusing comedy was a popular feature of 
thore-iertoire of Mr. and Mrs. Kendal in this country. It presents a plot of 
strong dramatic interest, and its incidental satire of " "Woman's Eights" em-, 
ploys some admirably humorous characters, and imspires many very clever lines 
Its leading cliaracters are unusually even in strength and prominence, which 
makes it a very satisfactory piece for amateurs. (1894.) 



^^"^•"^•'^•^v.-^^^^^^v LIBRARY - ^-^vi 

f NEW OPERETTAS »«»««««»^».f?N«'Ess 

^S MiiiHillilfi m 



f E D I T H ' S TZn^mMMii : # 

^^ an ©perctta for Cijtltirrn'? 




/jS Words by MARGARET FEZANDIE and EDGAR MORETTE. /K 

/Is Music by EUGENE FEZANDIE, Jr. /JS 

25 /IV 

'f* .Eleven ohararters, girls and boy?, or all girls, as preferred ; ten or more addi- "* 

Jj^ tioiial ior chorus. Scenery unnecessary ; <-()stuines, pretty and I'aneifiil, but ifiv 

%f? easily arranged at lionie. T)ii,s adniirahJe litth^ pi'y.e is printed complete with *|3 

ifiV ninsic. It is very tuneful and graeefuUy imagined, arn.1 is strongly recommended ifiv 

'f ? for })rivate theatricals or for schools. It is ])articularly wdl suited for the latter rf* f 

ifiV use, as it deals whimsically with tiie question ol yoiithful study, inculcating, ifiV 

'?* however, an excellent moral. ^f* 

/(\ Frice 35 cents. /4^ 

As iiis 

I ODD OPERASHEVENTIDE. | 

<k'^ A Collection of Short and Simple Musical ^|^ 

}K Entertainments for Children. W. 

Vf/ By MRS G* N. BORDMAN. ijj'f 

SM S^j! 

^h'a This collection provides a simple operetta, a fairy opera, a picturesque motion liJ 

y' song, a quaint musical pantoniinie, a pretty mnsic;i I sketch, and two original 7'^ 

wi'i^ hHmorf)us recitations for chihh'en, complete, with all tl;e music, and fultinstruc- ^i# 

yr tioiis for performance. The music i.-! tunefulandsinij>le, and is specially written viv 

•Tli* with the tastes and limitations of children in view. The solos are easily learned 

yr and sung, and all the choruses are written for voices in unison. Tlie collection 

\A'S is strongly recommended for its simplicity anil perfect practicability. Keither 

Avf stage nor scenery is demanded, nor any otilier requirements that cannot be met 

\^lS without trouble by the equipment of the ordinary hall or church vestry, and the 

ylr zeal of the most economical committee of arrangements. 

\ff Price ..... 50 cents. 



W 



A Glimpse of the Brownies. A 

Musical Sketch for Children. Any 
number of boys. 

... Market Day. An Operetta for Young 
\Mji People. Seven speaking i)arts and 
v' chorus. 

Queen Flora's Day Dream. An 

Operetta for Children. Six speak- 
ing parts and chorus. 









CONTENTS. 

The Boatiner Party. A Musical 



nu 

Sketch for Little Children. Thirty 
boys and girls. 

Six I^ittle Grandmas. A Musical 
Pantomime for very Little Childi'en. 
Six very little girls. 

Jimiiiiy Crow. A liecitatiou for a 
Little Girl. 

A House in the Moon. A Recita- 
tion for a Child. 



S. J. PARKHILL & CO.. PRINTERS, BOSTON, U.S.A. 



